CloudScape
There is only one imposed constraint: adjacent entries are connected. The rest is self-evident.
(0,0), (1,0); 1, 2
Hello, My Love
Hello to you, nonetheless
(-1,0), (-1,-1); 3, 4
A
Monkey
Babygirl
Slut
Whore
Mine-
Sweetie
Ponyo
Devon, the manager
Devon, the white boy
Devon, the educator
Devon, the cinnamon girl
Devon, the gardener
Devon, the favorite child
Dev, the glitterbug
- via Instagram, Jan. 9, 2024
(-1,-2); 5
YOU ARE NOT KLOKOV
- Zack Telander, Oct. 24, 2017
Maybe You Can Be Klokov
- Sika Strength, Dec. 22, 2024
(-1,1); 6
“What am I doing here? I have come to be a terror to you! I am a monster, do you say? No! I am the people! I am an exception? No! I am the rule; you are the exception! You are the chimera; I am the reality!”
- Victor Hugo, The Man Who Laughs
- Paul B. Preciado, Can the Monster Speak?
(0,2), (0,1); 7, 8
Kissing the stomach
kissing your scarred
skin boat. History
is what you've travelled on
and take with you
we've each had our stomachs
kissed by strangers
to the other
and as for me
I bless everyone
who kissed you here
Michael Ondaatje
[Kissing the stomach]
From Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts pg. 6
(-2,0); 9
“‘If you are expected to be monogamous and have one person be all things sexually for you, then you have to be whores for each other,’ Savage says, ‘You have to be up for anything.’ These are solid guidelines to which I have long aspired. But now I think we have a right to our kink and our fatigue, both.”
- Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts pg. 110
(-3,0) – (-3,-2); 10-12
I would never have been photographed by Robert Mapplethorpe.
As much as I desire
to be wanted
by him
it probably wouldn’t have happened
Even now, I say
‘Probably’
to signify hope of otherwise
(1,-1); 13
“Living by a love ethic we learn to value loyalty and a commitment to sustained bonds over material advancement. While careers and making money remain important agendas, they never take precedence over valuing and nurturing human life and well-being.”
- Bell Hooks, All About Love, pg. 88
(2,0); 14
“The artist seeks contact with his intuitive sense of the gods, but in order to create his work, he cannot stay in this seductive and incorporeal realm. He must return to the material world in order to do his work. It’s the artist’s responsibility to balance mystical communication and the labor of creation.”
- Patti Smith, Just Kids, pg. 121
(2,-1); 15
“[O]ne of the efforts, in which the entire community continually participates, is to bring to each one’s consciousness his uniqueness – and this is not only as a potential scientist or plumber, but as a person who, being endowed with imagination, is an artist.”
Louis Adamic, Helen Molesworth
Leap Before You Look: Black Mountain College 1933-1957, pg. 27
(1,1), (1,2), (2,2); 16-18
Who are you, Dev?
- My most asked question
Who the fuck are you?
- My second most asked question
Any dietary restrictions or allergies?
- My actual most asked question
(-1,-3), (-1,-4); 19, 20
05.26.24
I went to Paris with A. We started running together in Parc des Buttes Chaumont. Now, it may become an integral part of our relationship.
01.08.25
A and I signed up for a marathon at the end of May… I still want to run my first marathon solo. One of the ideas I put into the ether and now need to execute…
Current plan: 30-35mi/wk
Mon - long run (before work)
Tues - gym or rest (see Sat)
Wed - run/gym (double)
Thur - long run
Fri - run (after work)
Sat - gym or rest (see Tues)
Sun - run/gym (either)
(-2,-3); 21
Aug 19, 2019
This is for me. To better myself, for myself.
Goals
1. Marathon sub 4hr
2. Mile sub 5min
3. 225lb bench
4. 315lb squat
(-4,-4) – (-3,-3), (-5,-3); 22-26
09.28.23
6.75 mi 7’31/mi avg negative splitting after 8+ hours manual labor
8’30, 7’58, 7’24, 7’14, 7’13, 7’21, 6’39
V proud of myself. I should try my 1 mi time.
10.19.23
3.01 mi, 21:04, 6’59/mi - 7’15, 7’07, 6’33
V proud of myself. SEXY
If I warmed up and planned this, could’ve sent it harder.
01.13.25
14.09 mi, 2:06:52
9’00/mi avg, 8’53/mi effort
586 ft elevation gained
159 avg bpm
Higher heart bpm than I would like. Should aim for 9’30/mi pace.
06.08.24
River Road Half
13.25 mi, 2:19:20, 10’31/mi
So proud of A. Their parents drove us out 13.2 (just in case) mi.
My proudest runs.
01.25.25
(-2,-1); 27
08.08.24
5x5 @135 incline BB bench
Disappointed
4x5 pull ups cs 10 push ups
4x8 @143 close grip low row
3x8 @82 weighted cable crunch
Reverse pyramid till failure @43 bicep cable curl
Alice Coltrane’s ‘Ptah The El Daoud’
(-2,-2); 28
07.17.23
5x5 BB back squat: 225, 235, 245 x 3
Feel my lower back (FUCK)
I should’ve stopped last set
But now I’m still going
3x8 BB RDL: 185
Can go heavier. Feel strong
(3,0); 29
$850 per month
(where you stand)
(0,-3); 30
01.09.21
I want to be healthy this year.
Emotionally + spiritually + physically
This is California. 61 + Sunny in early Jan.
Outside, shirtless, smoking a j, eating oranges.
(1,-2); 31
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
- Audre Lorde
(3,1); 32
Atelier 404 is located at 1660 East New York Ave meaning our presence in this space is undoubtedly part of early gentrification– distinct from our apartment in Bushwick which is in its latter stages of gentrification.
(4,0), (4,-1); 33, 34
Leonardo Boff and Clodovis Boff, writing from Brazil, insist on the primacy of the economic:
“We have to observe that the socioeconomically oppressed (the poor) do not simply exist alongside other oppressed groups, such as blacks, indigenous peoples, women– to take the three major categories in the Third World. No, the ‘class-oppressed’ – the socioeconomically poor– are the infrastructural expression of the process of oppression. The other groups represent ‘superstructural’ expressions of oppression and because of this are deeply conditioned by the infra structural.”
- Paul Farmer, On Suffering and Structural Violence: A View From Below, pg. 25
(4,2) – (5,1); 35-38
‘Land Theft as Colonial Legacy in Pakistan’
The Land Acquisition Act of 1894 is a colonial law now being utilized by a neo-colonial institution– the World Bank. They expropriated 100k acres of land from 80k farmers in agricultural villages near the Ravi River. Following court petitions by the farmers claiming rights to their land, the government passed the Ravi Urban Development Authority (RUDA) Act of 2020, “[e]xplicitly weaponizing the language of public interest” (pg. 10) and legitimizing all acquisitions.
- Fatima Anwar, The Funambulist: Politics of Space and Bodies Against Genocide
https://ruda.gov.pk/what-we-do
Don’t they package erasure nicely?
“Pakistan’s first largest riverfront (46 kilometer long) that will be developed on the bank of Ravi River with total area of 110,000 acres. It will be developed for 10 million residents.”
(6,3) – (7,1); 39-44
Zoe Samudzi, The Funambulist: Politics of Space and Bodies Against Genocide, ‘Introduction’
“‘Against Genocide,’ serves as a dual function. It represents a collective dedication to studying and preventing genocide as well as a contestation of the selective application and often limited definition of the word.” - pg. 8
“Genocide is a crime, the ‘crime of crimes.’ It is a supposedly rare eliminatory violence that, by our canonization, exemplifies the very worst part of human political behavior because it is the attempt to destroy a people simply for who they are.” - pg. 13
K’eguro Macharia - “In its failure to indict or even cursorily name colonialism as foundational to the inequalities the UN purportedly sought to resolve... This is the premise of human rights law inherited in the postwar invention of genocide as a crime: the omission of coloniality is exonerative, it is only the crimes of the postwar modernity that could conceivably be registered as criminal.” - pg. 14
“The [neo]colonial paradigm of total war functionally eradicates the possibility of civilian innocence, exploiting the ways that certain racialized and minoritized populations are not and have never been afforded innocence.” - pg. 15
Bought from Motto Books in Berlin, then read on the flight back to Paris. Apropos given the moment of Palestinians not given the same rights as white' people. War crimes committed against people of color are never seen with the same severity.
(6,5) – (7,4); 45-47
Never Stop Talking About Palestine
On February 4, 2025, Trump proposed the idea to displace two million Palestinians and create the “Riviera of the Middle East”. My longing for US foreign policy to recognize our responsibility seems an even greater infinity away.
Despite the ceasefire in Gaza, I doubt US foreign policy will ever recognize the genocide. We would be required to take responsibility.
We paid for the attempted genocide and scholasticide of the Palestinian people.
(5,0), (5,-1); 48, 49
“Hopelessness is a form of silence, of denying the world and fleeing from it. The dehumanization resulting from an unjust order is not a cause for despair but for hope, leading to the incessant pursuit of the humanity denied by injustice.”
- Paulo Freire, The Pedagogy of the Oppressed, pg. 91-92
A quote I drilled to memory during COVID.
(-3,-5), (-3,-6); 50, 51
I’ve run thousands of miles in Prospect Park. If not miles, then kilometers.
Either is okay with me.
I like framing the world towards extravagance.
(-1,-9), (-1,-10); 52, 53
“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you.”
- Enrique Vila-Matas, Never Any End to Paris, pg. 27
I fear I cannot yet say ‘I have lived in Paris’.
I must be going back soon.
(-4, -5), (-4,-6); 54, 55
3 years * 365 days / 1 year * 4 mile/3 days = ~1460 miles
3 years * 365 days / 1 year * 1 cigarettes/day = ~1095 cigarettes
I wonder what the actual numbers are.
(-4,0), (-4,-1); 56, 57
“I’m in my Robert Mapplethorpe era.” - Me
“What do you mean by that?!” - Mum
“We have the same crazy hair!” - Me
My mum knew a lot more about Mapplethorpe than I did at the time of this interaction.
(8,5), (8,4); 58, 59
“Nathan J. Robinson unpacks the US’ refusal to attempt any semblance of self-analysis, refusing to acknowledge how their maneuvers on the global stage put their “adversaries” in a precarious position while insisting on interpreting every move said adversaries take in response as directly offensive” - The Majority Report w/ Sam Seder, Chomsky Warns Of Of Possible War With China
(-1,2); 60
The performativity of gender recognizes society's validation of gender expression in an individual.
I wonder if Judith Butler would agree.
(-2,1); 61
The first time I used they/them pronouns was on dating apps in LA during COVID.
I felt it a safe space to explore.
(-2,4) – (-2,2); 62-64
In college, I wanted people to think of me as they/them but refer to me as he/him.
I never told anyone this.
I didn’t want to cause anyone social discomfort.
But I wanted to be recognized by my soul.
This genesis came about during a shrooms trip where I met an ‘alien’ observer who guided me towards understanding the origin of judgement and shame.
(-5,1) – (-3,5); 65
Portrait by A.
(2,-2) – (2,-4); 66-68
“Ikigai is a Japanese concept that describes this intersection between what you’re really good at, what you love to do, what you can be paid for, and what the world needs from you.” - Amanda Kimiko in IKIGAI | A BPN Media Film
An athlete who was told she’d never walk again in 2020 before conquering a 100-mile ultramarathon.
I was told I may never run again in 2020.
Now imagine traversing 100 miles.
I do, can you?
(-1,3); 69
“Is this one for men?” - Guy
“Both.” - Me
I meant both restrooms were for men, as they were for not men. It would be an incorrect statement otherwise.
(3,-1); 70
“The creative arts are subjective and they reach people at a point in their lives when they need it most. It’s like a song or an album is made and it’s almost like it has a radar to find the person when they need it the most.” - Jon Batiste
(3,-2); 71
I cannot know running without music
I cannot know running without
I cannot know art without music
(0,-4), (0,-5); 72, 73
Albums I’ve enjoyed running with (consolidated)
Música para viajes interdepartamentales vol. 1, Fabrizio Rossi
In Colour, Jamie XX
Flow State, Tash Sultana
Space Driver, Boris Brejcha
Little by Little, Lane 8
BRAT, Charli XCX
Preacher’s Daughter, Ethel Cain
The Score, Fugees
Sour, Olivia Rodrigo
Random Access Memories, Daft Punk
Rocco, HVOB
Everyday, Tourist
(1,-3), (1,-4); 74, 75
Albums I’ve enjoyed working out with (consolidated)
Take Me To Your Leader, King Geedorah
The Money Store, Death Grips
Recto Verso, Paradis
Illmatic, Nas
Maxwell’s Urban Hang Out, Maxwell
Horses, Patti Smith
The Thief Next to Jesus, Ka
A Light For Attracting Attention, The Smile
Ali, Vieux Farka Touré, Khruangbin
Love What Survives, Mount Kimbie
(2,4), (2,3); 76, 77
Albums I’ve enjoyed cooking with (consolidated)
The Miseducation of Lauren Hill, Ms. Lauren Hill
Ted Lucas, Ted Lucas
Ptah The El Daoud, Alice Coltrane
Sonido Cósmico, Hermanos Gutiérrez
Kind of Blue, Miles Davis
A Day in New York, Ryuichi Sakamoto, Jaques Morelenbaum, Paula Morelenbaum
Talking Timbuktu, Ali Farka Touré
Exodus, Bob Marley & The Wailers
(5,-3), (5,-4); 78, 79
Albums I’ve enjoyed existing with (consolidated)
My Back Was A Bridge For You To Cross, ANOHNI
Opus, Ryuichi Sakamoto
Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, Ryuichi Sakamoto
Pink Moon, Nick Drake
Song For Our Daughter, Laura Marling
For Emma, Forever Ago, Bon Iver
Unicorns in Paradise, Laraaji
Songs, Adrianne Lenker
In Rainbows, Radiohead
Veneer, José González
Manga, Maya Andrade
I Need to Start a Garden, Haley Heynderickx
(-1,4); 80
The secret is they’re all interchangeable
(4,-2) – (4,-6); 81-85
Ghostkeeper
- Klangkarussell, GIVVEN
This song feels like running down the big hill in Prospect Park– heart pounding, legs pumping, wind kissing– free.
I said this to you on Halloween. You shared Midas, Maribou State. I, nervously, responded with Ghostkeeper.
You died not long after. The cancer must have been with you for some time.
And yet, I loved all of you that night.
Cancer and all.
(5,-2); 86
43 miles, 2 days, 1 fall. I am free, I am mortal.
- via Instagram, Jan. 17, 2021
(1,4), (1,3); 87, 88
“If you are married for 30 years, and you are cooking breakfast for the one you love and he walks in, does your heart skip a beat? I don’t know. But it’s nice to have a little breakfast made for you.” - AI Warhol, The Andy Warhol Diaries, S1:E1
I don’t know either.
Let’s find out
(-6,3); 89
“If you’ve ever been drawn or painted by an artist, it’s a very flattering process. It’s almost erotic, and it does establish a bond… To be really looked at and studied, is just… it’s a nice feeling.” - Bob Colacello, The Andy Warhol Diaries, S1:E1
(-4,-2); 90
“I weigh around 190-195.” - Me
“Oh! I thought you were more (in a good way)!” - a friend
“I thought you were less (in a good way)!” - another friend
(-6,4) – (-8,8); 91
Portrait by A.
(-6,3) – (-7,0); 92
Portrait by Lennon.
(-5,0), (-5,-1); 93, 94
According to the CDC, 16.2% of adults have genital herpes. That’s between 1/5 and 1/6. Yet the conversations are much more infrequent.
Why is that?
I had this urge to clean myself. I felt it was my fault for not doing so earlier– guilt.
That was my response.
It was incorrect. It lives in my spine.
(0,6) – (0,3); 95-98
By and By
-Caamp
He showed me the song following simultaneous heartbreaks.
He asked me to cuddle after a night out when we lived on the farm.
I regret saying no.
Now, we’ve transformed it into something else.
Separate from heartbreak or regret.
Reclaimed.
(-6,-1); 99
Alvin Ailey
Freddie Mercury
Michael Foucault
Robert Mapplethorpe
Leigh Bowery
…
(0,-1), (0,-2); 100, 101
My favorite indulgence is to smoke a spliff with my morning coffee, alone, and waste the day.
My regret only comes afterwards, but it comes with certainty.
(-4,-7); 102
How many bodega ‘tomato, egg, and cheeses’ have I consumed? It must be hundreds.
(1,5); 103
“[W]henever the lover utters the phrase ‘I love you,’ its meaning must be renewed by each use.”
- Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts, pg. 5
(6,0); 104
How do I woo someone towards recognizing the failures of capitalism without their already agreeing with me?
(2,7); 105
“Attention is the beginning of devotion.” - Mary Oliver, Upstream, pg. 13
(3,6), (3,5); 106, 107
“[L]earning how to think” really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience.
- David Foster Wallace, This is Water
(2,6); 108
Perfect Days, Wim Wenders
(2,5); 109
Tampopo (タンポポ), Jûzô Itami
(1,-5), (1,-6), (2,-5), (3,-5), (3,-6); 110-114
Dig’s Program: Week 1, Day 2 - lower body
Exercise, Sets x Reps
Leg extension cs w leg curl, cs = compound set: do one set of leg extensions, followed by one set of leg curls, 3 x 10-12ea
BB back squats or Smith machine, Focus on form before going up too much in weight, 5 x 5
BB Lunges or, Smith machine, Less weight than you did with the squatting, stay at the same bar, 3 x 6
Neither program has been followed.
Ponyo NY Marathon Prep
Week 1 - imposing discipline, structure, and expectations
Rest day x2
6x5min intervals ~8:30/mi
45min ~9:15-9:30/mi
60min+ long run
Feel run
Full body workout
Week 2 - building foundational relationship with running
Rest day x2
Feel run x2
Long run
Intense yoga session
Full body workout
(-7,-1); 115
Marcel Duchamp's epithet: “D’ailleurs, c’est toujours les autres qui meurent. (After all, it's always other people who die.)” - Enrique Vila-Matas, Never Any End to Paris, pg. 47
(1,-7) – (1,-9); 116-118
“Saturdays were different. She treated herself by reading a book not in the alphabetical sequence. On that day she asked the librarian to recommend a book.” - Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, pg. 21
On the last day of the two week cycle, I ask him to create his own workout and become the librarian with vast knowledge.
In reality, all they need to know is the name of one book.
(1,7), (1,6); 119, 120
“In ‘The Art of Loving,’ Fromm repeatedly talks about love as action, ‘essentially an act of will.’ He writes: ‘To love somebody is not just a strong feeling- it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go.” - Bell Hooks, All About Love, pg. 171-172
(-5,-2); 121
I must have a weak spine as I also have a herniated disc.
(8,3) – (8,1); 122-124
“The rugged individual who relies on no one else is a figure who can only exist in a culture of domination where a privileged few use more of the world's resources than the many who must daily do without. Worship of individualism has in part led us to the unhealthy culture of narcissism that is all so pervasive in our society.” - Bell Hooks, All About Love, pg. 214
What would Henry David Thoreau say in response?
Would I care?
(8,0), (8,-1); 125, 126
songs that remind me of people (‘20)
“Entering into a COVID world. Chasing the memories I no longer was creating.”
1. Lagoon, Laura Misch
2. Walden Pond, Atta Boy
3. Skinned Knees, Soccer Mommy
4. Leadlight, Julia Jacklin
5. I Can Breathe Again, Baywood
6…
29 songs, 1hr 58 min
via Spotify
(4,4), (4,3); 127, 128
The Earth’s carrying capacity cannot sustain our current trajectory.
There will be an implosion, and we are witnessing it now.
100 years is but a blip in the timeline of Homo sapiens sapiens, let alone our previous ancestors’ lineage
(9,3); 129
Part of my initial aspirations for Peace Corps service involved idolizing and manufacturing the ‘rugged individual’ identity– counter to the core principles I aimed to proselytize.
(9,5), (9,4); 130, 131
I wonder if I’ll be able to go to Guyana or if Trump will cut Peace Corps funding. - 02.13.25
I’ll be fine either way.
(6,-2); 132
I do not like being perceived as tired, even when I am.
I do not like being diminished in my luster.
(-12,-6); 133
A mind afloat seeks solid footing. But don’t forget you were born to run on clouds.
This was a message for future dev.
-via Instagram April 13, 2021
(-12,-7); 134
CloudScape
(-12,-4); 135
“Let’s lose our way, together.”
- Ghibli Museum, Mitaka
(-12,-5), (-11,-5); 136, 137
Part of “Miya-san’s daily routine is to dash up to the rooftop of the Studio Ghibli to watch the tinted clouds and setting sun. The face of the sky is different each day. The world is moving.” - Toshio Suzuki, Hayao Miyazaki, pg. 8
Beauty can just as often manifest in the ordinary, in the mundane.
We must choose to allow it.
(3,7); 138
“I try not to think about things too far removed from me or too off in the future. Instead I try to do my best in a radius of five meters around me, for I feel ever more certain that what I discover there is real.”
- Hayao Miyazaki, pg. 21
(-11,-4), (-11,-3); 139, 140
You never did anything wrong
- Nan Goldin
Stendhal Syndrome is the body’s psychosomatic response to witnessing a phenomena of great beauty.
(-11,-2), (-10,-2), (-10,-1); 141-143
The Ballad of Sexual Dependency
- Nan Goldin
Found at Maison de la Photographie, Paris’ Annie Ernaux Exteriors exhibition
A recently told me that we did not find The Ballad of Sexual Dependency at Maison de la Photographie, but rather at Yvon Lambert Paris. The world remains intact.
(-8,-2); 144
“Moreover, I am sure that one can learn more about oneself by embracing the outside world than by taking refuge in the intimacy of a diary...” - Annie Ernaux, Exteriors, pg. 8
(3,4); 145
Stir-fry
I just threw my dinner in the bin. I knew as I was making it I was going to do that,
so I put in it all the things I never want to see again.
- Mary Oliver
(4,6), (4,5); 146, 147
“When the chesty, fierce-furred bear becomes sick he travels the mountainsides and the fields, searching for certain grasses, flowers, leaves and herbs, that hold within themselves the power of healing. He eats, he grows stronger.
Could you, oh clever one, do this?...
‘Sir Bear, teach me. I am a customer of death coming, and would give you a pot of honey and my house on the western hills to know what you know.’”
- Mary Oliver, Upstream, pg. 6
(5,5) – (5,3); 148-150
Colors of the Wind
- Pocahontas
“You think you own whatever land you land on
The earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name”
“Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind”
(-13,-4), (-13,-5); 151, 152
“You must not ever stop being whimsical.”
- Mary Oliver’s Upstream, pg. 19
A wore a tiara to the store. They were shy, not knowing if it was okay. “I think you're feeling whimsical today,” I said. Little did we know the gravity this moment would wield in our budding love.
(9,2); 153
“I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you…”
Excerpt from Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself
(9,1); 154
Oliver on Whitman: “He was after a joyfulness, a belief in existence in which man’s inner light is neither rare nor elite, but godly and common, and acknowledged. For that it was necessary to be rooted, again, in the world.” (Upstream, pg. 100)
(-12,-2), (-12,-3); 155, 156
“Back when Harris and I slept together I would often whisper, ‘Let’s dream the same dream’, right after we turned out the lights. He took it as a sweet sign-off, but I yearned for this joint dream so hard my teeth hurt. He didn’t understand that you could create a world—a fantasy, a nightmare—and bring other people into it, not just artistically but in life.” - Miranda July, All Fours
(-12, -2); 157
A and I often wish each other goodnight with ‘See you in my dreams.’ There is no concern given to whether or not it is possible– we’re already here.
(-9,-3) – (-8,-4); 158-161
Oldschool RuneScape (OSRS) is a game where I’ve spent 397 days and 18 hours on my Ironman, Nothard. It is my most complete diary to date.
~9546 hours
Hey Jase, current permanent rank 2, has ~2,000 days played… nearly 50,000 hours. There are levels to everything.
OSRS release date - 02.16.13
Today - 02.20.25
~4,384 days since release
Hey Jase has averaged ~11 hours per day for over twelve years.
Nothing else has consumed more of my life (timewise). Nothing else has consumed more of his. At some point, this will no longer be the case for me. This will always be the case for him.
(-8,-1), (-8,-2); 162, 163
“184. Writing is, in fact, an astonishing equalizer. I could have written half of these propositions drunk or high, for instance, and half sober; I could have written half in agonized tears, and half in a state of clinical detachment. But now that they have been shuffled around countless times—now that they have been made to appear, at long last, running forward as one river—how could either of us tell the difference.” Bluets, Maggie Nelson, pg. 74
(-2,-4), (-2,-5); 164, 165
“Even on the island, I attempted to follow my old boxing routine of doing roadwork and muscle-building from Monday through Thursday and then resting for the next three days. On Monday through Thursday, I would do stationary running in my cell in the morning for up to forty-five minutes. I would also perform one hundred fingertip push-ups, two hundred sit-ups, fifty deep kneebends, and various other calisthenics.” Nelson Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom, pg. 292
(2,-7), (2,-8); 166, 167
“At Pollsmoor, I would wake up at five and do an hour and a half of exercise in our communal cell. I did my usual regimen of stationary running, skipping rope, sit-ups, and fingertip press-ups. My comrades were not early risers and my program soon made me a very unpopular fellow in our cell.” Nelson Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom, pg. 311
(-10,-4); 168
“In my letters to my children, I regularly urged them to exercise, to play some fast-moving sport like basketball, soccer, or tennis to take their mind off whatever might be bothering them.” Nelson Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom, pg. 292
(-9,-5); 169
It was/is difficult to escape how pervasive video games are to my psyche.
When I was a child, watching my father play Diablo II and Heroes of Might and Magic on the PC showed me infinity.
(3,-3), (3,-4); 170, 171
“Running taught me valuable lessons. In cross-country competition, training counted more than intrinsic ability, and I could compensate for a lack of natural aptitude with diligence and discipline. I applied this in everything I did.
Even as a student, I saw many young men who had great natural ability, but who did not have the self-discipline and patience to build on their endowment.” Nelson Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom, pg. 41
(-7,-3) – (-6,-4); 172-175
There is a 13.87% chance the Savage Gladiator Chain (SGC) will drop from Gorosh the Devrish. There is a 10% chance of seeing Gorosh the Devrish per Blackrock Depths Arena Ring of Law. I can complete one run in roughly six minutes. Players are capped at five instance lockouts per hour. Using rudimentary mathematics, there is a 1.39% chance per run to see the SGC. This equates to, on average, 72.1 runs per SGC. With perfect efficiency, this is 14.42 hours. It has taken some players 300+ runs to achieve their Savage Gladiator Chain from Gorosh the Devrish…
The SGC is the pre-best-in-slot chest piece for Hunters and Warriors in World of Warcraft Classic.
To be in a position to grind SGC, I needed nearly every other piece of gear at the level of pre-bis. There are 17 useful equipment slots, each with a slew of dungeons and quests to complete before achieving the pre-bis item. To achieve pre-bis gear, you must first reach level 60. This takes, for a seasoned player who has hit max level many times before, roughly five to six days. For a first-time player, this will take over 10 days, but more than likely they will never reach 60.
(-5,-5), (-5,-6); 176
I would justify spending 10+ hours gaming and smoking with a run.
Still, this doesn’t seem like a day poorly spent.
It is when a day turns to weeks, to months, to years– to identity– that introspection is demanded.
(-10,-5), (-10,6); 177, 178
”To be left alone on the tightrope of youthful unknowing is to experience the excruciating beauty of full freedom and the threat of eternal indecision. Few, if any, survive their teens. Most surrender to the vague but murderous pressure of adult conformity. It becomes easier to die and avoid conflicts than to maintain a constant battle with the superior forces of maturity.” pg. 267, Maya Angelou’s I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
(-9, -1); 179
“But literature, the best of it, does not aim to be literature. It wants and strives, beyond that artifact part of itself, to be a true part of the composite human record- that is, not words but a reality.” pg. 90, Mary Oliver’s Upstream
(-9,0); 180
“193. I will admit, however, upon considering the matter further, that writing does do something to one's memory- that at times it can have the effect of an album of childhood photographs, in which each image replaces the memory it aimed to preserve.” (77) Maggie Nelson, Bluets
(5,7), (5,6); 181, 182
Wordsworth's Mountain
“There is a rumor of total welcome among the frosts of the winter morning. Beauty has its purposes, which, all our lives and at every season, it is our opportunity, and our joy, to divine. Nothing outside ourselves makes us desire to do so, the questions, and the striving towards answers, come from within.” (109) Mary Oliver’s Upstream
(9,7) – (11,7); 183-185
“60. Microscopic examination... we will use this to support the argument that the different plant parts with their apparent variety of forms are nonetheless identical in their inner essence.” (54) Johann Wolfgang v. Goethe’s The Metamorphosis of Plants
Here, Goethe is referencing the undifferentiated nature of meristematic tissue in plant cells, but touches on something deeper.
Meristematic cells are found in the meristem, a type of plant tissue. They are capable of cell division and can develop into all other tissues and organs that occur in plants. ie. leaves, roots, stems
(-1,5); 186
We are all the same in our ‘inner essence’. We are simultaneously unique and ubiquitous. There is strength here.
(8,8) – (8,6); 187-189
“I study nature and a lot of these forms come from observing plants. I really look at nature, and I just do it as I see it. I draw something on paper. And then I am able to take a wire line and go into the air and define the air without stealing it from anyone.” - Ruth Asawa, 1995
Many of her works incorporate nested, membrane-like “form-within-a-form” layers in which elements appear to fold in on themselves or turn inside-out. Asawa later remarked, “What I was excited by was that I could make a shape that was inside and outside at the same time.”
“the relation between outside and inside was interdependent, integral.”
Unknown source
(-7,3); 190
11.17.24 - Entry 06
The sun kisses you everyday, for hours. You bask in the glory of their rays. And no one would know, when it's all over, you yearn to be kissed again.
(9,6); 191
I am known as girasol, or sunflower, to a friend. Sunflowers are phototropic, meaning they move towards the sunlight. The earlier the sunflower opens up and receives warmth, the more attractive they are to pollinators.
(12,6); 192
Survival of the fittest through beauty.
(-8,0); 193
“‘Come with me into the fields of sunflowers’ is a better line than anything you will find here, and the sunflowers themselves far more wonderful than any words about them.” (4) Mary Oliver, Upstream
(12,5); 194
My Instructor of Integrated Pest Management & Plant Health Care at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden - “Always have something blooming year round. This promotes a positive pollinator ecosystem. It also makes you happy.”
(12,4); 195
Ways to propagate a plant vegetatively:
Stem cuttings, leaf cuttings, root cuttings, layering, grafting, division & separation, micropropagation
(13,4); 196
10.18.24 - Entry 01
Plant three. Original series. No leaves. Two aerial roots. They look like spaghetti strands hanging from a ceiling… Nine nodes. Two apical, seven axillary, all dormant…
(12,3), (12,2); 197, 198
10.20.24 - Entry 02
Plant five. Original series. One leaf. Apical node is 1.5 +/- 0.1cm. Perhaps the node extends from the furthest knob which is 1.5 +/- 0.1cm. Leaf petiole extends north northwest ~20° (observational data opposed to measurement) 4.2 +/- 0.1cm before becoming the leaf. Not accounting for curvature, the leaf is (9.5 x 2.3) +/- 0.1cm at its longest and widest…
I am realizing the more precision I apply to these data, the more I withhold. For these data to be fully congruent, every aspect must be noted.
(-8,-5), (-8,-6); 199, 200
11.06.24 - Entry 03
I cut you away from your mother. Do you hold that against me? Or is it only when I assign my world is judgement cast? You would not be distinct from your mother had I not cut you away. I would not be able to talk to you- about you- if no separation occurred. You are now you. I enjoy you, and I have learned to love you…
(-7,-2); 201
11.25.24 - Entry 08
I killed you today. I was changing your water and I killed you… Your siblings will live on, but you were forgotten by them long ago. Not by me- this is why I killed you. No one else would mourn your death.
(6,7), (7,7), (7,6); 202-204
Appendix - “The genetic method holds out the hope not only of revealing some deeper secrets of nature but also of releasing new powers of mind… [P]erceiving the essence of metamorphosis will likely involve a beneficial metamorphosis in the essence of the perceiver.”
Introduction - “Starting from sense of perception of outer particulars, Goethe’s scientific approach seeks the higher goal of an illuminating knowledge from within. This way of knowing- from the inside- is rooted ultimately in a harmony or identity between the human spirit and the informing spirit of nature, wherein ‘speaks on spirit to the other’ (Faust, line 425)” (XVIII)
- Gordon L. Miller, Metamorphosis of Plants
(10,2), (10,1); 205, 206
“In the opening scene of the film, Chihiro runs through a strange town. Her way of running- lifting both arms slightly and pumping them from side to side- replicated that of this little girl. This isn't to say he interacted with the girl. He just so observed her mannerisms and demeanor, never becoming bored." (8), Hayao Miyazaki
(-2,8) – (-2,5); 207-210
Cultural Droppings: Bersani’s Beckett
Calvin Thomas
“In Bodies That Matter: On the Discursive Limits of Sex, for example, Judith Butler discusses how the word queer itself, once a slur, has lately become a ‘discursive rallying point’ not only for some lesbians, bisexuals, and gay men, but also for ‘straights for whom the term expresses an affiliation with anti-homophobic politics’ (230)...”
“Though Bersani finds much to admire in queer commentaries such as these, in Homos he warns against what he considers the dangers of despecification and desexualization posed by the emergence of the term queer… ‘This generous definition puts all resisters in the same queer bag-a universalizing move I appreciate but that fails to specify the sexual distinctiveness of the resistance’ (Homos 71)” (171).
(3,2); 211
The hospitality industry is capitalism’s attempt at commodifying love and nourishment. I tried to live in it, but existence is fragile when justification is manufactured.
(-1,7), (-1,6); 212, 213
“The key is training your ear to not mind hearing a person’s name over and over again. You must learn to take cover in grammatical cul-de-sacs, relax into an orgy of specificity. You must learn to tolerate an instance beyond the Two, precisely at the moment of attempting to represent a partnership - a nuptial, even. Nuptials are the opposite of a couple. There are no longer binary machines: question-answer, masculine-feminine, man-animal, etc…” (7) Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts
(0,7); 214
In Homos, for example, Bersani writes that he calls “‘jouissance ‘self-shattering’ in that it disrupts the ego’s coherence and dissolves its boundaries” (101), Calvin Thomas, Cultural Droppings: Bersani's Beckett
(-6,-2); 215
“My Uncle Who Died of AIDS Probably” - Tarik Dobbs
(6,-1); 216
Complete and Austere Institutions
“Prison ‘reform’ is virtually contemporary with the prison itself: it constitutes, as it were, its programme. It does not even seem to have originated in a recognition of failure.” (234) - Michael Foucault, Discipline & Punish: The Birth of the Prison
(10,3); 217
“How, then, does one become an activist?” - Frank Barat
“The easy answer would be to say that we do not become activists; we simply forget that we are.” - Noam Chomsky
On Palestine
(11,4), (11,3); 218, 219
“For us, such struggles — for sunglasses, long trousers, study privileges, equalized food — were corollaries to the struggle we waged outside prison. The campaign to improve conditions in prison was part of the apartheid struggle. It was, in that sense, all the same; we fought injustice wherever we found it, no matter how large, or how small, and we fought injustice to preserve our own humanity.” (240-241), Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom
(10,5), (10,4); 220, 221
Docile Bodies
“It may be that war as a strategy is a continuation of politics. But it must not be forgotten that ‘politics’ has been conceived as a continuation, if not exactly and directly of war, at least of the military model as a fundamental means of preventing disorder.” (168) - Michael Foucault, Discipline & Punish: The Birth of the Prison
(12,-4); 222
Frank Barat: Very intelligent/rational people are saying that the “two-state solution is the compulsory step, the first unavoidable one, toward something better.”
Ilan Pappé: “It goes back to a rationalist Western Way to look at reality. It says that I can only advocate for what I can get, not what I want.” (135) - On Palestine
(7,0); 223
Giorgio by Moroder, Daft Punk
A beach, a tab, along for the ride.
I relinquish control
(-10,0); 224
“We’re currently living in the archive. Everything that we do is kind of automatically saved, and that means the intention of saving is gone…
How easy it is to save things now, doesn’t mean that they’re actually as precious to us.” - Mindy Seu, via Instagram 09.19.24
(-3,7), (-3,6); 225, 226
“[I]f a community were ever to exist in which it would no longer seem natural to define all relations as property relations (not only my money or my land, but also my country, my wife, my lover), we would first have to imagine a new erotics. Without that, all revolutionary activity will return, as we have seen it return over and over again, to relations of ownership and dominance.” (128) Leo Bersani’s Homos
(9,6); 227
“You are conditionally invited to serve as a/an Science and Environment Educator in Guyana, pending successful medical and legal clearances.”
Legal clearance achieved
Medical clearance achieved
Expected departure- June 1, 2025
(9,0) – (9,-10); 228-237
Peanut Butter
Eileen Myles
I am always hungry
& wanting to have
sex. This is a fact.
If you get right
down to it the new
unprocessed peanut
butter is no damn
good & you should
buy it in a jar as
always in the
largest supermarket
you know. And
I am an enemy
of change, as
you know. All
the things I
embrace as new
are in
fact old things,
re-released: swimming,
the sensation of
being dirty in
body and mind
summer as a
time to do
nothing and make
no money. Prayer
as a last re-
sort. Pleasure
as a means,
and then a
means again
with no ends
in sight. I am
absolutely in opposition
to all kinds of
goals. I have
no desire to know
where this, anything
is getting me.
When the water
boils I get
a cup of tea.
Accidentally I
read all the
works of Proust.
It was summer
I was there
so was he. I
write because
I would like
to be used for
years after
my death. Not
only my body
will be compost
but the thoughts
I left during
my life. During
my life I was
a woman with
hazel eyes. Out
the window
is a crooked
silo. Parts
of your
body I think
of as stripes
which I have
learned to
love along. We
swim naked
in ponds &
I write be-
hind your
back. My thoughts
about you are
not exactly
forbidden, but
exalted because
they are useless,
not intended
to get you
because I have
you & you love
me. It’s more
like a playground
where I play
with my reflection
of you until
you come back
and into the
real you I
get to sink
my teeth. With
you I know how
to relax. &
so I work
behind your
back. Which
is lovely.
Nature
is out of control
you tell me &
that’s what’s so
good about
it. I’m immoderately
in love with you,
knocked out by
all your new
white hair
why shouldn’t
something
I have always
known be the
very best there
is. I love
you from my
childhood,
starting back
there when
one day was
just like the
rest, random
growth and
breezes, constant
love, a sand-
wich in the
middle of
day,
a tiny step
in the vastly
conventional
path of
the Sun. I
squint. I
wink. I
take the
ride.
(14,0); 238
“To have another language is to possess a second soul.” - Charlemange
(10,0), (10,-1); 239, 240
“(I realized that I am forever combing reality for signs of literature.)” Annie Ernaux, Exteriors
This is an attempt at combing literature for signs of reality.
(3,-7), (3,-8); 241, 242
The Bulgarian Method was created by Ivan Abadjiev in the 1950/60s. The method is based on Eastern Bloc studies on adaptive response and tests both physical strength and mental toughness. It is the toughest training regimen in the weightlifting world.
Example day (repeated daily)
Session Exercise, Intensity, Reps/sets
Morning, Snatch, 90-95%, Singles until form breakdown
Midday, Clean & Jerk, 90-95%, Singles/doubles
Afternoon, Front squat, 95-100%, Singles/doubles
Evening, Technique, 70-80%, Until perfect form
(-1,-5), (-1,-6); 243, 244
One Punch Man workout-
100 sit ups, pushups, and bodyweight squats
6.2-mile (10-km) run
In the story, following the workout daily for 3 years enables the main character to defeat any opponent with a single punch.
(-2,-7) – (-2,-9); 245-247
“On any person who desires such queer prizes, New York will bestow the gift of loneliness and the gift of privacy… The capacity to make such dubious gifts is a mysterious quality of New York. It can destroy an individual or it can fulfill [them], depending a good deal on luck. No one should come to New York to love unless [they are] willing to be lucky. New York is the concentrate of art and commerce and sport and religion and entertainment and finance, bringing to a single compact arena the gladiator, the evangelist, the promoter, the actor, the trader and the merchant. It carries on its lapel the expungeable odor of the long past, so that no matter where you sit in New York you feel the vibrations of great times and tall deeds, of queer people and events and undertakings.” (94) On On Kawara, Renée Green, Extraterritorial operations and some kinds of duration
(-10,0); 248
Scott Lyall, Thinking with Today
“In his theory of aesthetics, philosopher Jacques Rancière writes that the arts can be distributors of sense experience, altering the shape of our shared sensorium and prompting new forms of collective knowledge.” (130)
(3,3); 249
The Biggest Little Farm
- John Chester
(-6,-5); 250
“185. Perhaps this is why writing all day, even when the work feels arduous, never feels to me like ‘a hard day’s work.’ Often it feels more like balancing two sides of an equation- occasionally quite satisfying, but essentially a hard and passing rain. It too, kills the time.” (74-75) Maggie Nelson, Bluets
(-5,-4); 251
I ran a solo marathon in Prospect Park on March 11.
26.2mi, 4:39:07, 10’39/mi avg pace, 10’29/mi effort pace
I cried all through the last mile. I remain healthy.
(-5,6); 252
I love raising my arms in the air when dancing. It is my natural instinct.
(-5,7); 253
11.11.24 - Entry 05
Plant four. Original series. Orientation two. A dancer extends their legs. Arms flail behind. No part of their body is not curved. But they are congruent…
(-7,-5), (-7,-6); 254, 255
I love how On Kawara’s work prompts participants to go through their own diaries and works, and reminisce. It motivates those who study him to understand the value of the past as the past, but attribute contemporary meaning to its existence.
I wonder if CloudScape will inspire anyone to do anything. Though I have already been inspired– this is enough. I am enough.
(12,7); 256
“Form has a meaning– but it is a meaning entirely its own, a personal and specific value that must not be confused with the attributes we impose on it. Form has a significance, and form is open to interpretation.” Henri Focillon, “The World of Forms,” in The Life of Forms in Art; Renée Green - on On Kawara
(-7,-7); 257
Michael Heizer, Dia:Beacon
“It is interesting to build a sculpture that attempts to create an atmosphere of awe. Small works are said to do this but it is not my experience. Immense, architecturally sized sculpture creates both the object and the atmosphere. Awe is a state of mind equivalent to religious experience, I think if people feel commitment they feel something has been transcended.”
(-6,-7); 258
Is what exists before you immense?
It has taken a lifetime to get here
(-6,-6); 259
“Time is thin around the cause and dense around the effect.”
Nikolai Kozyrev, Russian astrophysicist
(10,6); 260
“Free sexuality
Free love
Student you’re sleeping
You’re wasting your life
We must achieve economic equality”
(12,1), (12,0); 261, 262
“... creative work requires a loyalty as complete as the loyalty of water to the force of gravity. A person trudging through the wilderness of creation who does not know this– who does not swallow this– is lost. He who does not crave that roofless place eternity should stay at home. Such a person is perfectly worthy, and useful, and even beautiful, but is not an artist.” (28-29) Mary Oliver, Upstream
(11,1); 263
“There is a notion that creative people are absentminded, reckless, heedless of social customs and obligations. It is, hopefully, true.” Mary Oliver, Upstream
(-13,-1); 264
My responsibility is not to the ordinary, or the timely... My loyalty is to the inner vision, whenever and howsoever it may arrive. If I have a meeting with you at three o'clock, rejoice if I am late. Rejoice even more if I do not arrive at all.” Mary Oliver, Upstream
(-13,-6); 265
“It showed her that there were other worlds beside the world she had been born into and that these other worlds were not unattainable.” (173) Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
(-14,-6); 266
“What do you do when your world starts to fall apart? I go for a walk…” Opening of Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing’s The Mushroom at the End of the World: On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins
(-11,2); 267
“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and give to it neither power nor time." Mary Oliver, Upstream
(8,-2), (8,-3); 268, 269
Shelley, Fabre, Wordsworth– the young Wordsworth–, Barbara Ward, Blake, Basho, Maeterlinck, Jastrow, sweetest Emerson, Carson, Aldo Leopold.
“Forebears, models, spirits whose influence and teachings I am now inseparable from, and forever grateful for.”
I wonder what my list will look like in years to come. I do not feel worthy to utter any names quite yet.
(13,5); 270
“All things are meltable, and replaceable. Not at this moment, but soon enough, we are lambs and we are leaves, and we are stars, and the shining, mysterious pond water itself.” Mary Oliver, Upstream
(8,-4), (8,-5); 271, 272
Wherever I’ve lived my room and soon
the entire house is filled with books;
poems, stories, histories, prayers of
all kinds stand up gracefully or are
heaped on shelves, on the floor, on
the bed. Strangers old and new offering
their words bountifully and thoughtfully,
lifting my heart.
But, wait! I’ve made a mistake! how
could these makers of so many books
that have given so much to my life–
how could they possibly be strangers?
M.O.
(-9,4) – (-9,2); 273-275
Oliver on Emerson- “In his journals, which he had begun in college and never abandoned, he tore down wall after wall in his search for a style and for his ideas that would reach forth and touch both poles: his certainty and his fluidity.”
Certainty and fluidity. This is the duality I strive for– hopefully, one day, the effort will actualize.
The more energy we put towards something, we inevitably find a further star to reach for— the more effort we put towards what we identify as beautiful, the more beautiful it becomes through that lens.
(-9,6); 276
“For me, sculpture is the body. My body is my sculpture.” Louise Bourgeois
(13,6), (13,7); 277, 278
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have confidence in the laws of morals as of botany. I have planted maize in my field every June for seventeen years and I never knew it come up strychnine. My parsley, beet, turnip, carrot, buck-thorn, chestnut, acorn, are as sure. I believe that justice produces justice, and injustice injustice.
(11,0), (11,-1); 279, 280
OBSESSION AND EVIDENCE
Sentences and definitions escape me, but there are reoccurring thoughts and ideas as I continue to build this body of work: contemplating time, this moment used to be the future, transformation of planet earth, chaos and order, songs that you can see, the land of make believe, stillness, microcosm and macrocosm, real and artificial, buried and excavated, miracles, opposites, everything and nothing.
- Machine Dazzle -
(-10,-3); 281
“[T]he child must have a valuable thing which is called imagination. The child must have a secret world in which live things that never were. It is necessary that she believe. She must start out by believing in things not of this world. Then when the world becomes too ugly for living in, the child can reach back and live in her imagination.” (82) Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
(-2,-6); 282
“This remains a prevalent fantasy, this old American Dream: that you can come here and become whatever you wish. New York has been a space for self-mythologizing for a very long time.” Dean Kissick, The Dimes Square Spiral
(-9,-6), (-9,-7); 283, 284
“Well, tell us why girls are different from boys.”
Mama thought for a while. “The main difference is that a little girl sits down when she goes to the bathroom and a little boy stands up…”
Mama interrupted. “Well, there’s a little bit of man in every woman and a little bit of woman in every man.”
That ended the discussion because it was so puzzling to the children that they decided to go no further with it.
(245) Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
(-8,-7); 285
I fear what I have created–
can I see this through to the end?
04.01.25
(-9,7); 286
Your belly is like my cock– they both grow when pet.
(6,-3), (6,-4); 287, 288
Virginia Woolf The Moment: Summer’s Night
Yet what composed the present moment? If you are young, the future lies upon the present, like a piece of glass, making it tremble and quiver. If you are old, the past lies upon the present, like a thick glass, making it waver, distorting it. All the same, everybody believes that the present is something, seeks out the different elements in this situation in order to compose the truth of it, the whole of it.
(4,-7), (4,-8); 289, 290
I AM STILL ALIVE
Dec 5, 1969: I AM NOT GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE DON’T WORRY
Dec 8, 1969: I AM NOT GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE WORRY
- On Kawara
(4,7); 291
“When Hiroshima was destroyed by an atomic bomb in 1945, it is said, the first living thing to emerge from the blasted landscape was a matsutake mushroom.” (3) Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing, The Mushroom at the End of the World
(-5,-7); 292
A says I have nearly an equivalent amount of cards left to add to CloudScape as there are now on the wall. This is a scary proposition.
# 292
(13,3) – (13,1); 300-302
My favorite Pokémon of all time are Celebi, a grass/psychic legendary, and Suicune, one of the three legendary roaming dogs from the Kanto region. Conveniently, ADV is a metagame involving both of these Mons.
This POKéMON came from the future by crossing over time. It is thought that so long as CELEBI appears, a bright and shining future awaits us.
Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald Dex entry
SUICUNE embodies the compassion of a pure spring of water. It runs across the land with gliding elegance. It has the power to purify dirty water.
Emerald Dex entry
(6,-5), (6,-4); 303, 304
AROUND THE GARDEN WITH C.Z. GUEST
Warhol - Why are they making flowers not smell anymore?
Guest - Well they lose that. Let’s say you gain disease resistance for a rose. Maybe to gain that they have to lose some fragrance.
There is a depth here. This seemingly benign intervention didn’t sit well with Warhol– how does it make you feel?
(7,-5); 305
At what point
does the argo
become a new ship
as each part
is replaced?
(7,-1), (7,-2); 306, 307
“It would seem that the repetitive, ritualized act of painting for Kawara was a meditative process concerned with the loss of ego, a pre-language state of being, a form of alienation. Habit, like prejudice, creates an illusion of predictability, as it keeps things the same by turning a blind eye to difference.” (28) on On Kawara, Alejandro Cesarco, A Landscape of Time
(7,-3); 308
My studies lay before you. It is upon reflection I’ve realized how profound I find Mary Oliver. I must explore further.
(12,-1) – (12,-3); 309-311
Andy Warhol - “Business art is the step that comes after art. I started as a commercial artist and I want to finish as a business artist. Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art.”
I have so many frustrations with this. How can I aptly articulate a critique without coming off as a cynic?
Warhol wielded the pervasive capitalist force of his time by demanding the media’s attention and manufacturing consent, leading to his identity becoming synonymous with a brand. Very American.
(-10,7), (-10,6); 312, 313
Jerry Hall - “My mom would tell me how to keep a man: to be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom.
And I said, ‘I’ll hire the first two and do the last bit myself.’”
(-11,7), (-11,6); 314, 315
“You have to build a nice mouse trap to trap the mice.” - Unknown talking about Studio 54 in its glory days
Nowadays, I am a mouse that scurries around the Basement floor. Everything I gobble tastes delicious.
(-15,-2), (-15,-3); 316, 317
“My Dearest Jon.
Whenever you’re in California, I spend all my time alone. Crying and thinking of you, as if no one else exists in the world. I’m so lonely and thinking of you. I love you so much…” - Andy Warhol
My Dearest A.
I wonder how accurately this captures what our distance will feel like. I’m scared. I know you are too.
(5,-6), (5,-7); 318, 319
I don’t believe in death because you’re not around to know that it happened.
I don’t believe in death because you’re not around to know that it happened.
I don’t believe in death because you’re not around to know that it happened.
I don’t believe in death because you’re not around to know that it happened.
I don’t believe in death because you’re not around to know that it happened.
- Andy Warhol
(-8,3); 320
“A work of art is completed by the viewer.” - Marcel Duchamp
(-8,2); 321
“The people who weep before my pictures are having the same religious experience I had when I painted them.” - Mark Rothko
(-8,1); 322
“I think artwork always exceeds. In some ways, it’s the way that we figure out who we are, rather than express who we are. The making of the work is an exploration of what we are…” - Glenn Ligon, Andy Warhol Diaries S1:E6
(-11,1); 323
“There’s a way in which you see someone and then there’s all this resistance on keeping it… a certain way, protecting it.” - source unnecessary
(-11,0); 324
Does CloudScape change how you see me?
(-12,0); 325
Will my family read these words? Let me know if you do… Mum, Dad, Dig
(8,-6), (8,-7); 326, 327
In Istanbul, Baldwin attested that sometimes you must leave home to see it clearly– and sometimes it takes a stranger to show us who we really are. His Turkish decade stands as a testament to the power of artistic exile not as escape, but as revelation.
- Baldwin exhibit at the Brooklyn Public Library
(-14,-5); 328
We’ve talked for hours about the world we want to live in, seemingly so far away, yet where do we currently reside? This seems like home to me.
(-12,1); 329
You can always come home to me, remember that.
Be free, My Love.
(-11,3); 330
Give in. Allow it to wash over you.
Good girl.
(-12,3); 331
Hesitation. Did I take enough for this?
Two men are getting fucked in the middle of the dance floor. Asses, ate.
(-12,2); 332
You’ll be okay. Dance.
(-12,4); 333
Demons, dogs, and doms.
An orgy of mythical proportions.
(-11,5), (-11,4); 334, 335
Beijing East Village
“Although many of the East Village artists were also trained in painting, they all quickly turned to embodied (and often nude) performance after meeting each other. They used this medium to fiercely renounce the repression of the body that had followed the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests, as well as to comment on the changing perception of subjecthood amidst the rise of consumerism in post-socialist China.” - Tate Modern
(-10,5); 336
To Add One Meter to an Anonymous Mountain
(-13,5), (-13,4); 337, 338
“The farthest star and the mud at our feet are a family; and there is no decency or sense in honoring one thing, or a few things, and then closing the list. The pine tree, the leopard, the Platte River, and ourselves– we are at risk together, or we are on our way to a sustainable world together. We are each other’s destiny.” (154) Mary Oliver, Upstream
(-10,2), (-10,1); 339, 340
“I like to think that there are types of works made expressly for others, works made for oneself that can be understood by others, and works made for yourself that could, if necessary, be shared with others. I think there are probably other types, but for me, this expresses it well enough.” - Dave McKenzie lecture on On Kawara
(-13,3), (-13,2); 341, 342
“… what Bersani values in sex, and in art, is the capacity of both to shatter the coherent self. Nothing is more crucial to Bersani's project than his emphasis on the self-shattering capacities of both sexual and aesthetic experience.”
Calvin Thomas’ “Cultural droppings: Bersani’s Beckett”
(14,7); 343
Aldo Leopold's land ethic: “A thing is right when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability, and beauty of the biotic community. It is wrong when it tends otherwise.”
(13,0); 344
“You’ve had a three hour conversation and I still haven’t understood a single word you’ve said!” - Mum referencing Dig and I talking about WoW and OSRS.
(-14,-4); 345
Life—the love of eternity
eternity—the love of life
- Josef Albers
(14,4); 346
My earth
serves also others
my world
is mine alone
- Josef Albers
(15,3); 347
why now are the blueberries red
and the black ones all eaten
- Josef Albers
(-13,-3); 348
Easy—to know
that diamonds—are precious
good—to learn
that rubies—have depth
but more—to see
that pebbles—are miraculous
(-12,5); 349
To distribute material possessions
is to divide them
to distribute spiritual possessions
is to multiply them
(-10,3); 350
Calm down
what happens
happens mostly
without you
- Josef Albers
(11,5) (11,4); 351, 352
“The difficult problems are the fundamental problems; simplicity stands at the end, not at the beginning of a work. If education can lead us to elementary seeing, away from too much and too complex information, to the quietness of vision, and discipline of forming, it again may prepare us for the task ahead, working for today and tomorrow.”
Anni Albers, Black Mountain College Bulletin (1941)
(-13,1), (-13,0); 353, 354
My Mum has Mire Lee chains as rain gutters, and a Richard Serra sculpture in her yard.
Of course, not exactly– but in essence.
I’ve learned this over the past year, and understand more deeply her sensibilities through this exploration.
(-12,-1); 355
Yes you need to be there To
plant a garden
- “Hey Ma”, Bon Iver
(-14,0) – (-14,2); 356-358
“I think writing to friends is a lost art… to construct a letter, work on my handwriting, and give it good thought. This is something I want to do during my retirement.” - Dad
He recently told me that he will not be writing letters in his retirement.
I’ve never thought of my father as an artist, and I expect he thinks the same of me.
(-14,4), (-14,3); 359, 360
I must admit, this writing has me feeling whimsical and indulgent. I feel open in this manner of communication; in writing to distant friends I can establish intimacy in my mind while simultaneously distancing myself from judgment, unless, of course, it’s self-imposed.
- an unsent letter to friends
(12,-5); 361
“Does reading that make you feel like a good person?”
- question asked when I was reading On Palestine
(-6,-8), (-5,-8); 362, 363
“Emotion of Propagation is an act of discipline and expression of emotion. A mechanism to confront the ennui and catalyze the momentum into something yearned for, demanding attention in infinitum.”
This was the first art project I envisioned for this space. It will never be completed– it was not a coherent pursuit.
(-10,-7); 364
“I do not mean to be sentimental about suffering- but people who cannot suffer can never grow up, can never discover who they are.”
James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
(14,6), (14,5); 365, 366
“The teachings about love offered by Fromm, Kind, and Merton differ from much of today's writing. There is always an emphasis in their work on love as an active force that should lead us into greater communion with the world. In their work, loving practice is not aimed at simply giving an individual greater life satisfaction, it is extolled as the primary way we end domination and oppression.” (76) Bell Hooks, All About Love
(-15,0), (-15,-1); 367, 368
I want to write. I need to write. But this shit that I'm writing, no one wants to read. - 02.16.2021
Who is actually going to read my poetry? I only started reading poetry a day ago. - 04.11.2025.
(-11,-6); 369
“I think you overestimate the maturity of adults, he wrote in his final letter, a letter sent only after I’d broken down and written him first, after a year of silence… I realized age doesn’t necessarily bring anything with it, save itself. The rest is optional.” - Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts
(-15,3) – (-15,1); 370-372
You will be happy. The person you are is an amalgamation of all the beautiful souls you’ve been blessed to share life with. They have afforded you their love and warmth such that you can reciprocate it back to the world. The new relationships you will cultivate are allowed to be independent of the pain of your current ones. They can exist within the time they were most alive.
A letter to my former self, written sometime in 2020
(15,-4); 373
“At the beginning of 'Anti-Oedipus' we find this great sentence by Foucault: ‘Do not believe that because you are a revolutionary you must feel sad’”- Enrique Vila-Matas, Never Any End to Paris
(-15,-4); 374
Love is made in a red room. Like a dream, any attempt to recall it precisely will only result in the realization of murky waters. Let’s remain ignorant, in bliss.
(0,-6) – (0,-8); 375-377
I went for a run on the Pacific Coast Trail. A waddle may be more accurate. My lungs felt weak when I tried to pace as if my years of weed smoking and cigarettes were catching up to me. I am supremely healthy. Only I could characterize my lungs as not.
I listened to Patti Smith’s ‘Just Kids’. Her prose transported me to a world equaling the grandeur of the dense alpine expanse found in South Lake Tahoe.
As I lept off a rock I realized my safety is not guaranteed in this rugged landscape. Perhaps my focus should not be on how little momentum I have in my art, but rather on the sensation of running- only now akin to flying.
- 08.14.24
(-16,0) – (-16,-3); 378-381
Oh, I am just a kid
I never use my brain
I only use my heart
And my imagination
Oh, I am just a kid
I always make mistakes
I never say I'm sorry
'Cause they're mistakes that I made
Get ready
Oh, I am just a kid
I've never seen the world
And I haven't quite decided
If I'm a boy or a girl
Oh, I am just a kid
I'm afraid of the dark
But I'm obsessed with ideas
One day I'll go far
Yeah, like this
Oh, I'm no longer a kid
And everything has changed
There's nothing in my heart
And lightning in my brain
So listen up, you kids
And hear what I say
Don't listen to your brain
And follow your dreams
What's that?
“Kids”, Current Joys
(-16,-4) – (-16,-6); 382-384
I am my mother's only one
It's enough
I wear my garment so it shows
Now you know
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
I am my mother on the wall, with us all
I move in water, shore to shore
Nothing's more
Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leery loons
Leaving rope burns, reddish ruse
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
“Flume”, Bon Iver
(-17,-4) – (-17,-6); 385-387
Voracious yearning, saturated capacity
Unbridled potential, timid execution
Pour a little salt, maybe I am alive
Here comes the pouring rain, paralysis
Please not yet, why would I be ready
Deprive my land of its harvest
Capture more than momentum
Ration my emotions
Unaccustomed to
Calloused fingertips
Safety not control
With a clear mind
Low tide now
Reset
Love is all maroon
(-4,7), (-4,6); 388, 389
Hook in
to skin– suspend,
forsake;
legs shake. Hesitate.
Two men,
ass’s ate.
dogs doms and
demons
the balcony
an orgy,
worthy
of mythology
(2,-9); 390
Back and Biceps
Chest and Shoulders
Legs and Triceps
Abs
Bro split?
(-14,3); 391
During this period of semi-isolation and otherworldliness only South Florida can explain, I’ve come to realize that I will never be that good at anything…
Something I wrote at a low point.
(1,-10); 392
Whenever I see someone stop their watch at an intersection while running, I think less of them. This is, perhaps, misplaced judgement.
(-10,4); 393
School of Rock Fan
- David Hammons
(-12,7), (-12,6); 395, 396
It is in those moments I seek jouissance;
it is through these words I find clarity.
(14,-1); 397
“Imagine an ovulating zebra riding on the back of a rhinoceros while solving differential equations.”
- How the Languages We Speak Shape the Ways We Think, Lera Boroditsky
(-18,-3) – (-18,-5); 398-400
“Knowledge has entertained me and it has shaped me and it has failed me. Something in me still starves. In what is probably the most serious inquiry of my life, I have begun to look past reason, past the provable, in other directions. Now I think there is only one subject worth my attention and that is the precognition of the spiritual side of the world and, within this recognition, the condition of my own spiritual state… Such interest nourishes me beyond the finest compendium of facts. In my mind now, in any comparison of demonstrated truths and unproven but vivid intuitions, the truths lose.” (153) Mary Oliver, Upstream
(10,-5), (10,-6); 401, 402
100 Things To Do Before I Die
May 27, 2009 (11)
1. Visit each continent two times or more.
2. Climb to the top of Mount Everest.
3. Make a million dollars.
4. Have a family and wife.
5. Skydive
6. Write a book.
7. Make a video game.
8. Read 5,000 books– starting today
9. Make a Robot.
10. Help find medicine for an incurable disease
11. Go to see the Great Pyramid in Giza
12. Donate some money
13. See the Hanging Gardens of Babylon
14.
(5,-5); 403
I am humbled by breaking down.
I am humbled by breaking down.
humbled by breaking down
humbled by breaking down
humbled by breaking down
“Show You a Body”, Haley Heynderickx
(2,-10); 404
“You don’t need to be a neo-Nazi, you need therapy.”
- Vera Papisova
(11,-2), (11,-3); 404, 405
“… Yet I am compelled to speak. To address experiences. Imagined and felt. Saturated, saturating, and restrained. Minimal, excessive, accretive, daily. Your own production. Visible yet contained. Transportable. Portable. You can carry it yourself.” (76) Renée Green, on On Kawara
(8,-8), (8,-9); 406, 407
6.7.16 - Renée Green
…
Artists I think with.
Architects I think with.
Poets I think with.
Writers I think with.
Philosophers I think with.
To think with.
Friends I think with.
Family I think with?
Thinking and feeling and sensing. To think with.
Finding Them Gone.
(-9,5); 408
My body as matter.
Material.
Alterable.
Breathing.
Pulsing.
Encased and sensorial.
Every pore breathing, excreting.
7.25.16 - Renée Green
(5,-8); 409
“I paint pictures of myself to remind myself that I’m still around.”
- Warhol
(13,-1), (13,-2); 410, 411
“A work of art is immersed in the whirlpool of time; and it belongs to eternity. A work of art is specific, local, individual; and it is our brightest token of universality. A work of art rises proudly above any interpretation we may see fit to give it; and, although it serves to illustrate history, and the world itself, it goes further than this: it creates, creates the world and sets up within history an immutable order.”
- Henri Focillon, “The World of Forms”
(14,3), (14,2); 412, 413
“For the universe is full of radiant suggestion. For whatever reason, the heart cannot separate the world’s appearance and actions from morality and valor, and the power of every idea is intensified, if not actually created, by its expression in substance. Over and over in the butterfly we see the idea of transcendence. In the forest we see not the inert but the aspiring. In water that departs forever and forever returns, we experience eternity.” (114) Mary Oliver, Upstream
(3,-9), (3,-10); 414, 415
“The old Bulgarian system was good but for that time. Now it is flawed. You can do these three workouts once, twice, three times. But definitely if you do it for a longer period of time, it’s a disaster for your body. As you get older your career will be cut short because weightlifting is very difficult to maintain. Weightlifting has long become an obsession among us, chasing higher and higher weights which crushes us. You have to put thought into everything to be healthy.” - Karlos Nasar, Bulgarian 89 kg weightlifting world champion
(4,-9), (4,-10); 416, 417
“What we do with Abadjiev was between 8 and 10 hours a day. Every time to maximum. We start with squat in the morning. After snatch. Then clean & jerk. And then squat. Then 4:30pm we start again with snatch, clean & jerk, squat and then in the evening snatch or clean & jerk and then squat. This was our program everyday. We lifted 70 tons per day.” - Abadjiev
(-1,-7); 418
“You know wholeheartedly, and conclusively, that what you're asking yourself to do… is completely impossible, and you accept that, and then you find a reserve that you’ve never tapped into before to keep fighting.”
- Barkley Marathon Finisher
(-1,-8); 419
Jasmine Paris’ favorite training session:
Went to bed at 8, got up at midnight. Lashing down with rain– 1℃. The minute you're climbing, it turns to sleet, then snow. 17 reps up a hill. 5k meters climbing, 8.5 hours.
(3,-12); 420
How to program for a heavy single-
3-5x5 → 3-5x3 → 5-3x2-1 → was it heavy?
Yes, reset.
No → go for a single→ has it been 3 months since you did 8-10s?
No → reset.
Yes → 8-10x3-5, reset.
(-14,-5); 421
“Maybe working on the little things as dutifully and honestly as we can is how we stay sane when the world is falling apart.” Haruki Murakami
(-2,-10); 422
‘Sir, when a man is tired of London he is tired of life: for there is in London all that life can afford.’
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) of Gough Square
(-15,-2), (-15,-3); 423, 424
“Poems must, of course, be written in emotional freedom. Moreover, poems are not language but the content of the language. And yet, how can the content be separated from the poem’s fluid and breathing body? A poem that is composed without the sweet and correct formalities of language, which are what sets it apart from the dailiness of ordinary writing, is doomed. It will not fly. It will be raucous and sloppy– the work of an amateur.” (3) Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook
(-17,-3); 425
This is not the weather of my birthday, I apologize. Please do not let this reflect poorly on me.
But all the trees are in bloom and look more beautiful than they have in a long time.
(10,-2), (10,-3); 426, 427
“Unlike most scholarly books, what follows is a riot of short chapters. I wanted them to be like the flushes of mushrooms that come up after a rain: an over-the-top bounty; a temptation to explore; an always too many. The chapters build an open-ended assemblage, not a logical machine they gesture to the so-much-more out there. They tangle with and interrupt each other– mimicking the patchiness of the world I am trying to describe.” - The Mushroom at the End of the World, Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing
(-18,-6), (-18,-7); 428, 429
Length and Rhythm
1. In metrical verse, each line of the poem can be divided into feet, and each foot into stresses (syllable sounds), to reveal the overall rhythmic pattern.
2. The process of dividing a line into its metrical feet and each foot into its individual parts is called scansion.
3. An iamb, or an iambic foot, is one light stress followed by one heavy stress.
4. Five iambic feet strung together create an iambic pentameter line.
(-19,-6); 430
breathless, we watched a bout de souffle; because
that’s our safe word.
Part of an attempt at writing in iambic pentameter
(-19,-7); 431
From THE STRUCTURE OF RIME I
Speak! For I name myself your master, who come to serve.
Writing is first a search in obedience.
(-19,-5); 432
“The pentameter line is the primary line used by the English poets not for any mysterious reason, but simply because the pentameter line most nearly matches the breath capacity of our English lungs... and thus it is the line most free from any special effect” (40). Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook
(-20,-5), (-20,-6); 433, 434
Ashitaka, Nago has found his way.
Matsutake aromas led the way.
But we did not arrive at the same nest;
the hole in my stomach is here to stay.
And what I’ve always known is the very best.
The first day we met is just like the rest.
(-20,-7), (-20,-8); 435, 436
“Poems begin in experience, but poems are not in fact experience, nor even a necessarily exact reportage of an experience. They are imaginative constructs, and they do not exist to tell us about the poet or the poet's actual experience– they exist in order to be poems. John Cheever says somewhere in his journals, ‘I lie, in order to tell a more significant truth.’ The poem, too, is after ‘a more significant truth.’ Loyalty to the actual experience– whatever got the poem started– is not necessarily helpful; often it is a hindrance.” (109-110) Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook
(-19,-8); 437
A bee
staggers out
of the peony.
Bashō
(-20,-9), (-20,-10); 438, 439
Do you remember when I tried to be good.
It was a bad time.
So much was burning without a source.
I’m sorry I was so young.
I didn’t mean it.
It’s just this thing is heavy.
How could anyone hold all of it & not melt.
Ocean Vuong
“Theology”
(-19,-5); 440
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
(-18,-1), (-18,-2); 441, 442
Noche de Lluvia, San Salvador
Rain who nails the earth,
whose infinite legs
nail the earth, whose silver faces
touch my faces, I marry you. & open
all the windows of my house to hear
your million feral versions
of si si
si
si
si
- Aracelis Girmay
(-19,-1) – (-19,-3); 443-445
“I like to say that I write poems for a stranger who will be born in some distant country hundreds of years from now. This is a useful notion, especially during revision. It reminds me, forcefully, that everything necessary must be on the page. I must make a complete poem– a river-swimming poem, a mountain-climbing poem. Not my poem, if it's well done, but a deeply breathing, bounding, self-sufficient poem. Like a traveler in an uncertain land, it needs to carry with it all that it must have to sustain its own life– and not a lot of extra weight, either.”
Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook
(-14,7) – (-14,5); 446-448
“Art has to be a kind of confession… The effort, it seems to me, is: if you examine and face your life, you can discover the terms with which you are connected to other lives, and they can discover, too, the terms with which they are connected to other people. This has happened to every one of us, I’m sure. You read something which you thought only happened to you, and you discovered it happened one hundred years ago to Dostoyevsky. This is a very great liberation for the suffering, struggling, person who always thinks that he is alone. This is why art is important. Art would not be important if life were not important, and life is important.”
- James Baldwin
(-13,7), (-13,6); 449, 450
“...the poem is not an exercise. It is not ‘wordplay.’ Whatever skill or beauty it has, it contains something beyond language devices, and has a purpose other than itself. And it is a part of the sensibility of the writer. I don't mean in any ‘confessional’ way, but that it reflects from the writer's point of view– his or her perspective– out of all the sum of his or her experience and thought.” (122)
Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook
(3,-11); 451
“The ability to make one’s research framework apply to greater scales, without changing the research questions, has become hallmark of modern knowledge.” 33 - The Mushroom at the End of the World, Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing
(7,-6), (7,-7); 452, 453
“A zebrafish encoded with a green fluorescent protein originally extracted from a jellyfish was developed by a team of scientists in Singapore in 1999. The goal was to develop a fish that could detect pollution by fluorescing in the presence of environmental toxins.” Salvador Dalí and The Institute of Critical Zoologists
(6,-7), (6,-8); 454, 455
“Researchers in Britain have successfully created a cow that no longer grows horns. Preventing horn growth protects the safety of farmers and eliminates the painful and traumatic process of burning off the horn buds of calves. The same cow is being engineered further in Japan to remove the p311 gene. Absence of the gene will mean that these cows will be less sensitive to pain experienced during slaughter.” Salvador Dalí and The Institute of Critical Zoologists
(6,-9); 456
Okja
Bong Joon Ho
(7,-8); 457
“It is not surprising, perhaps, that U.S. scientists have studied the smell of matsutake to see what it repels (slugs), but Japanese scientists have studied the smell to consider what it attracts (some flying insects).” The Mushroom at the End of the World
(-3,-7); 458
“The odd thing about experiencing New York for the first time was that it seemed more like the films than the films themselves.”
(-3,-8); 459
There is an old Spanish expression that says hunger sharpens the wit. And I must emphasize, I have never been truly hungry. Never Any End to Paris, Enrique Vila-Matas
(13,-3), (13,-4); 460, 461
“I am not proposing a return to the Stone Age. My intent is not reactionary, nor even conservative, but simply subversive. It seems that the utopian imagination is trapped, like capitalism and industrialism and the human population, in a one-way future consisting only of growth. All I’m trying to do is figure out how to put a pig on the tracks.” - Ursula K. Le Guin
(-15,7), (-15,6); 462, 463
“A final observation. Poetry is a river; many voices travel in it; poem after poem moves along in the exciting crests and falls of the river waves. None is timeless; each arrives in an historical context; almost everything, in the end, passes. But the desire to make a poem, and the world's willingness to receive it–indeed the world's need of it– these never pass.” (9) Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook
(14,-4); 464
To be an artist is a state of being informed by material conditions, not dictated by.
(14,-2), (14,-3); 465, 466
Since the inception of the ‘free’ market, the accrual of wealth and power in the hands of the few has not faltered. The prevailing hegemonic forces have slowly drowned out the cries of starving artists and left only those who starve. What remains is a professional class of artist-folk with fine arts degrees from the world’s most reputable institutions and gallery shows funded by those who forgot their dreams long ago.
(14,1); 467
https://www.youtube.com/@nothardosrs
(13,-5), (13,-6); 468, 469
Salutation, Ezra Pound
O generation of the thoroughly smug
and thoroughly uncomfortable,
I have seen fishermen picnicking in the sun,
I have seen them with untidy families,
I have seen their smiles full of teeth
and heard ungainly laughter.
And I am happier than you are.
And they were happier than I am;
And the fish swim in the lake
and do not even own clothing.
(5,-9); 470
“With Andy Warhol as their emcee and Interview magazine as their guide, the creative underworld eschewed the threadbare profundities of modernism and embraced instead the postmodernist cult of celebrity, with its emphasis on surface, style, and effect.” 33 ⅓ Horses, Philip Shaw
(13,-7) – (13,-10); 471-474
From Leaves of Grass
Walt Whitman
I think I could turn, and live with animals,
they are so placid and self-contain’d,
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their
condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep
for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their
duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented
with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that
lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the
whole earth.
(-2,-10), (-2,-11); 475, 476
“We are stuck with the problem of living despite economic and ecological ruination. Neither tales of progress nor of ruin tell us how to think about collaborative survival. It is time to pay attention to mushroom picking. Not that it will save us– but it might open our imaginations.” (19) - The Mushroom at the End of the World, Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing
(7,-9); 477
“We change through our collaborations both within and across species. The important stuff for life on earth happens in those transformations, not in the decision trees of self-contained individuals.” (29) - Mushroom
(14,-5); 478
“Precarity is a state of acknowledgement of our vulnerability to others. In order to survive, we need help, and help is always the service of another, with or without intent.” (29) - The Mushroom at the End of the World, Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing
(14,-6); 479
The dragonfly
can't quite land
on that blade of grass.
Bashō, translated by Robert Hass
(1,-11), (1,-12); 480, 481
To date, the fastest someone has run a marathon is 1:59:40 (4:34/mi) by Eliud Kipchoge. See Breaking2, Nike.com.
MJ Joyner predicts the fastest marathon a hypothetical human could achieve is 1:57:58 (4:30/mi). See “Modeling: optimal marathon performance on the basis of physiological factors.”
(0,-11), (0,-12); 482, 483
Ross Edgely swam 317 miles (510 km) non stop in the Yukon River. What a mad lad.
The longest recorded nonstop run was 350 mi (560 km) by Dean Karnazes in 2005.
(0,-9), (0,-10); 484, 485
The 26.2 mi (42.2 km) marathon distance is one of arbitrarily significant meaning. Born from the legend of a Greek soldier running from Marathon to Athens, a distance of roughly 25 mi, to deliver the message of victory over the invading Persian armies in 490 B.C. Following his proclamation, he proceeded to drop dead on the floor– a testament to the gravity of the feat.
(10,-4); 486
I wanted someone to tell me things were going to be fine, but no one did.
- Mai Neng Moua, “Along the Way to the Mekong”
(11,-4), (11,-5); 487, 488
The most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed. & remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world. Here’s the room with everyone in it. Your dead friends passing through you like wind through a wind chime. Here’s a desk with a gimp leg & a brick to make it last. Yes, here’s a room so warm & blood-close, I swear, you will wake– & mistake these walls for skin.
- unknown
(12,-6), (12,-7); 489, 490
You once told me that the human eye is god’s loneliest creation. How so much of the world passes through the pupil and still it holds nothing. The eye, alone in its socket, doesn’t even know there’s another one, just like it, an inch away, just as hungry, as empty. Opening the front door to the first snowfall of my life, you whispered, “Look.”
- unknown source
(14,-7); 491
“Fungi are famous for changing shape in relation to their encounters and environments. Many are ‘potentially immortal,’ meaning they die from disease, injury, or lack of resources, but not from old age… We rarely imagine life without such limits– and when we do we stray into magic.” (47) *The Mushroom at the End of the World, Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing
(17,0), (17,-1); 492, 493
“Poetry is a life-cherishing force. And it requires a vision- a faith, to use an old-fashioned term. Yes, Indeed. For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry. Yes, Indeed.” (122) Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook
(2,-11); 494
“Frontier romanticism runs high in the mountains and forests of the Pacific Northwest. It is common for whites to glorify Native Americans and identify with the settlers who tried to wipe them out. Self-sufficiency, rugged individualism, and the aesthetic force of white masculinity are points of pride.” *The Mushroom at the End of the World, Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing
(4,-11), (4,-12); 495, 496
John Andrew Rice, Black Mountain College founder
“Here our central and consistent effort is to teach method, not content, to emphasize process, not results; to invite the student to the realization that the way of handing facts and him amid the facts is more important than the facts themselves.
There is a technic [sic] to be learned, a grammar of the art of living and working in the world. Logic, as severe as it can be, must be learned; if for no other reason, to know its limitations.”
(11,-7); 497
How admirable!
to see lightning and not think
life is fleeting.
Bashō, translated by Robert Hass
(10,-7), (10,-8); 498, 499
“Finish every day and be done with it. For manners and for wise living it is a vice to remember. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. To-morrow is a new day; you shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day for all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment of the rotten yesterdays.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Letter to his daughter, Ellen
8th April 1854
(5,-10); 500
Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine.
- Patti Smith
(5,-11); 501
“It is, after all, a record born out of a strange collision of high and low art: for the purposes of shorthand, the poetics of French symbolism and the raucous rhythms of early rock ‘n’ roll. For Smith, there is no significant distinction between Hendrix and Rimbaud, Blade and Little Richard, T.S. Elliot and Jim Morrison.”
- 33 ⅓ Horses: Philip Shaw
(-15,5); 502
It’s a dog-y
dog world.
(2,-12); 503
Creatine monohydrate
needs to hydrate.
Whey protein
processes efficiently.
(10,-9), (10,-10); 504, 505
‘As much as I would love to stay, I gotta get back, I already have prepared food at home.’
‘Ahh, please stay… This is the moment only a liberal arts education can prepare you for– the calculus of being. This.. is.. Water..’
He left and ate food at home.
To my mind, my words implied a clear correct answer to the decision at hand.
(despite it being to my benefit)
But a true liberal arts education is conscious of the socioeconomics at play.
There are always socioeconomics at play.
(-16,3) – (-16,1); 506-508
“I am the little girl who walks through a village in Cantabria, climbs cherry trees and scratches her legs. I am the boy who sleeps in the byre with the cows. I am the cow climbing the mountain slopes that hides from human eyes. I am Frankenstein’s monster, carrying a flower and searching for someone to love while all around flee. I am the reader whose body becomes a book. I am the teenage boy kissing a girl behind the church door. I am the young girl who dresses up as a Jesuit and learns screeds of Spinoza’s Ethics by heart. I am the skinhead lesbian going to seminars on BDSM at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center on West 13th Street in Manhattan.” - 39 Paul B. Preciado, Can the Monster Speak?
(-15,4); 509
Transformative ideas are as important to a cause as the daily politics one engages in to achieve them.
(-20,-4); 510
“Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” - Toni Morrison
(-20,-3); 511
“Complacency kicks in when your distractions get louder than your curiosity. When you kill all the distractions, your curiosity is blaring.” - Pharrell Williams
(-17,2); 512
“A finished work is exactly that, requires resurrection.”
(-10,-7); 513
Hanif Abdurraqib
“You are, in part, who loves you.”
(6,-10), (6,-11); 514, 515
from LITTLE PRAYERS
Sometimes I said I was marooned
sometimes that I was imprisoned
or was in exile from my land
or I was born on the wrong planet.
But my daily fact, Lord,
is that awake I am a coward
and in my dreams that say the cause
I have lost the address, I’m confused
(15,4); 516
M.C. Richards
STRAWBERRY
In November
the strawberry hangs on a thread of sleep.
In May
it lies in my hand like an erotic dream.
(7,-4); 517
What of the infinite infinities
Who now promise similar promises.
(16,4), (16,3); 518, 519
10
Girls night out
resembles tiny wild
strawberries, so
miniscule, neon,
nimble, out of sorts.
We inspect each one to
make sure they’re
for-sure not poison.
We order test strips to
test out strawberries.
We wouldn’t want to
take any chances.
These are the only
strawberries we get.
- Tori Canning 2025
April of Sentences
(5,-12); 520
9
Wait, tell Mia about
the horses! At the
racetracks, rival
baseball jackets worn
by men with so much
in common, bonded by
their vintage, leather
variations, and tobacco
have phantom dollars
and inky papers in
their girthy hands.
- Tori Canning
(-19,1), (-19,0); 521, 522
Does this | design | of words, | so neat | ly placed | 5
accom | plish what | I now | aim to | convey? | 5
Perhaps | the an | swer is | of no | concern | 5
as they | appear | here in | their cur | rent form. | 5
There was | a time | when we | talked of | beauty. | 5
Please, can | you re | call what | it was | you said? | 5
Because | I’ve been | struggling | to re | member | 5
and it | seems I | no long | er have | the words. | 5
(imagine it in proper scansion)
(15,2), (15,1); 523, 524
I see. So the more I invest into
identifying that which holds beauty,
the more it becomes part of who I am.
Well how will I know if it’s beautiful;
what if I’m just too scared of choosing wrong?
I know of infinite infinities
that promise similar promises.
(-17,1); 525
Let them not say, Jane Hirshfield
(15,-1); 526
“One day, lying on my stomach, I gave myself an orgasm; somehow I felt that it was his orgasm.” (35)
Simple Passion, Annie Ernaux
(16,-1); 527
8
Stoned girls love to tell
a story about time
travel, novelty
entertainment, whether
or not they were sitting
in the sun, what
position they liked to
be fucked in...
- Tori Canning
(16,1); 528
“And women so intelligent, so creative, so gorgeous and present in their own minds and bodies... I mean I nearly barfed, piddled, and orgasmed all at the same time. Fuck heaven. Puny cloud lie. These women were the loves of my brain life.” (207), The Chronology of Water, Lidia Yuknavitch
(7,-10); 529
“Not all miracles come from god or looking up.” (205), The Chronology of Water, Lidia Yuknavitch
(-16,5); 530
“Language is a metaphor for experience. It's as arbitrary as the mass of chaotic images we call memory, but we can put it into lines to narrativize over fear.” The Chronology of Water, Lidia Yuknavitch
(16,5); 531
Haruki Murakami
1949 – 20**
Writer (and Runner)
At Least He Never Walked
(8,-10); 532
“... I asked him if he was ever afraid & he looked somewhere above my head somewhere beyond even the ceiling & he said I’ve never been more afraid than I have been curious.” - Hanif Abduraqqib, There’s Always This Year
(-21,-7), (-21,-8); 533, 534
“Poetic language- and by that I mean the language of image, sound, rhythm, color, sensation- is probably the closest we bring language to experience- poetic language takes you to the edge of sense and deep into sensation.” (308), The Chronology of Water, Lidia Yuknavitch
(7,-11); 535
Legends are born in blood, recollected in psyches, and memorialized in the ether.
(15,7); 536
Metamorphosis of Narcissus (1937), Salvador Dalí
Narcissus, in his immobility, absorbed by his reflection with the digestive slowness of carnivorous plants, becomes invisible…
(15,6); 537
I wanted to first speak on beauty, and then how it manifests in identity.
(16,2); 538
“The final, history-ending spell could be a book or a relationship.”
(-18,0) – (-18,3); 539-542
‘The first time I heard California Dreaming I’d never been to California, but by the time the song was over, I missed it.’
“through his work, I am reminded that poetry music and writing have transportive qualities. that your corner of the sky is your own because no one else can see the world exactly as you do. that to be an artist is to bear witness of what was and what could be. to cut to the DNA of a feeling and forever be in awe of life. always returning & leaving & remembering & forgetting. miracles are everywhere but especially in the act of loving and in the pursuit of searching for the big worlds that can hold it. @nifmuhammad” - Caroline Campos via Instagram
(8,-11); 543
“I am yet too young to understand that God is any respecter of persons.” - John Brown
(8,-12); 544
“I have known elders who tell us young folks to pray only for the important things. Don’t waste God’s time with no nonsense. God is busy, after all.” Hanif Abdurraqib
(12,-8); 545
“Heartbreak itself is a primary color. Stagnant without a series of secondary colors to activate it. Longing is an activator. Loneliness and heartbreak are not the same.” - Hanif Abdurraqib
(18,1); 546
Ozioma Onuzulike
WHO KNOWS TOMORROW
Seed Yams of Our Land
(17,1); 547
Zanele Muholi
Only Half the Picture
(16,6); 548
“With enough repetition, anything can become a religion. It doesn’t matter if it works or not, it simply matters that a person returns.” - Hanif Abdurraqib
(-16,7), (-16,6); 549, 550
“You are putting your hand into my open palm, and I am resting one free hand atop yours, and I am saying to you that I would like to commiserate, here and now, about our enemies.”
“I do not waste time or language on our enemies, beloveds. But if I ever did, I would tell them that there is a river between what they see and what they know. And they don’t have the heart to cross it.” - Hanif Abdurraqib
(15,-6); 551
“I believe that I was a child once because I am afraid today.” - Hanif Abdurraqib
(-21,-4); 552
What is this
beautiful freedom
we long for, then promptly
grow bored within?
- Rita Dove
(-21,-9); 553
“To explain this piece to the public I should say that this is an interior piece rather than an exterior one, because its conception and the experience of doing it counts more than the sculpture itself...” Cecilia Vicuña
(-21,-3); 554
“To leave a place… you’d best leave everything behind; all your possessions, including memory. Traveling’s not as easy as it’s made out to be.” Virginia Hamilton
(-21,-1), (-21,-2); 555, 556
“America relies on making the soldier both an inspiration and an aspiration. It relies on making war and surviving war a part of the American fabric by making the aesthetics of war cool. And then makes those aesthetics available for the public to buy.” Hanif Abdurraqib, There’s Always This Year
(11,-4); 557
“The space between what you can get and what people think you deserve to have is sometimes a crack, but sometimes a canyon.” (57) Hanif Abdurraqib, There’s Always This Year
(-1,-11); 558
why some people be mad at me
sometimes
they ask me to remember
but they want me to remember
their memories
and i keep on remembering
mine.
-Lucille Clifton
(18,0); 559
“Death isn’t the only way to die, though it can be argued that it is the most merciful.” Hanif Abdurraqib
(15,-3); 560
“The greatest engine within the machinery of deception is mercy. The mercy visited upon you by those who know something is amiss but don't say shit. Who know the machinery is what is keeping you going, granting you a little bit of dignity.” Hanif Abdurraqib, There’s Always This Year
(-21,-5); 561
Everything is happening so quickly. I’m scared. - 05.08.25
(-20,0) – (-20,2); 562-564
“On Earth, just a teaspoon of neutron star would weigh six billion tons. Six billion tons equals the collective weight of every animal on earth. Including the insects. Times three.
Six billion tons sounds impossible until I consider how it is to swallow grief–...
There are many reasons to treat each other with great tenderness. One is the sheer miracle that we are here together on a planet surrounded by dying stars. One is that we cannot see what anyone else has swallowed.” - Rosemary Wahtola Trommer
(-20,3) – (-20,5); 565-567
I remember nearly nothing
An analysis of the Huxley-Simmons model for energy generation in muscle contraction
- my senior thesis
Constraining the neutron star equation of state through parameter estimation methods
- my physics lab research
(-19,3), (-19,2); 568, 569
Paula Turner, 1992 - Present, Professor of Physics
“Physics at Kenyon is thriving - Professor Sullivan, Peiris and I have been teaching 20 (!) students in electronics labs this fall and advanced lab (formerly Senior lab) this spring. The basement is practically filled to bursting with lab students!”
Class of 2020
Class Notes 2025
(17,0), (17,-1); 570, 571
“A feminist critique of the discipline of art history is needed to pierce cultural-ideological limitations, to reveal biases and inadequacies not merely in regard to the question of women artists, but in the very formulation of the crucial questions of the discipline as a whole.” - Why have there been no great women artists? Linda Nochilin
(16,7), (17,7); 572, 573
The Moment Before You Run
“Made with the same cloth, the rabbit sees herself in the cloud, mistaking it for a mirror. This realization terrifies. Is she confronting her own reflection, or something unrecognizable? Fear takes hold, and she is caught in a state of transition– on the verge of fleeing, of vanishing, of becoming something else.”
(17,6); 574
“You find beauty in ordinary things. Do no [sic] lose this ability.” Fortune of Hongseon Jang
(-17,7) – (-17,5); 575-577
You live as a reflection of beauty by virtue of inquiry.
You live as the reflection of beauty by virtue of the pursuit.
Which do you like more?
(14,-8); 578
Thank you
to the dog who came to play
to the harpist who came to play
to the people who came to lay
(17,5); 579
“Central to his attitude to life is komorebi, the Japanese word for the shimmering of light and shadow created by leaves swaying in the wind, something that exists once, only at that moment. He sees uniqueness in every event.”
(-17,4), (-17,3); 580, 581
“The gender aspects of these dynamics are also interesting: these posters – whether in Uganda or elsewhere – feature very few women. These icons of dissent are predominantly male, which may be in part a consequence of the fact that dissent is regarded as a masculine trait.”
“RoboCop in Uganda: an analysis of Nasser Road’s political posters”
Kristof Titeca
(-21,6) – (-21,0); 582-588
05.09.25 Peace Corps call notes
Site, counterpart
[redacted] - Program Manager
- Literacy 5/6 grades
- Exams, started PC 2018
[redacted] - Program/training specialist, PC 2018
- Policy force criminal investigations
Community development plan - get a copy from local leaders
Assess, plan for, utilize their resources - especially solid waste management
Community assessment
Coteach/coplan
Inquiry - child correct themselves, child-driven
Build stewardship in children
STEM Guyana - helping give input
Logic Project Framework LPF
5 ‘E’s model
Coplan/coteach national science program
Infusion of environmental education concepts
Placement along the coast or hinterlands, riverine
Expected to make friends
Job is to be neutral
Download ebooks before
Georgetown National library
Basic tips for rolemodel
Education held in high regard
Dress code emphasized
No jeans, polos
No slippers, sneakers
Dryfit long pants, always a belt. Two baths per day
(-21,7); 589
I leave New York May 20.
I leave the US June 1.
(-21,8); 590
I’m going to miss you so so much.
(-18,6) – (-18,4); 591-593
12. cyberfeminism is not an institution
18. cyberfeminism is not an ism
19. cyberfeminism is not anti-male
41. cyberfeminism is not abject
“For all of these, we have to ask: but why not? To be writing a thesis—a hundred of them, no less—from inside of cyberfeminism, is institutional work. It should be the responsibility then of cyberfeminism to destabilize the institution of cyberfeminism itself, to make and keep it volatile…”
Cyberfeminism Index, Mindy Seu
(-18,7); 594
“Ain’t I a Woman?” Sojourner Truth (1851)
“Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain’t I a woman?”
(18,6); 595
“All they want to do is come and take a photograph. They don’t stay in the village. They don’t linger enough to really ingest the beauty and historic value of the place. It’s literally, I think, to take a selfie.” - resident of the Cotswolds
(-18,5), (-18,4); 596, 597
Adrienne Lenker’s Insta post to her partner
I sure do love this woman
this creature this spirit this soul
however we got here, whatever we are
I guess we don’t get to know
But sure as the sun is shining
And sure as the leaves will fall
Loving her is as natural as breathing
It’s a gift, it’s a journey, it’s a ball !
(-18,8) – (-18,6); 598-600
“Little Red Riding Hood opened her eyes and saw the sunlight breaking through the trees and how the ground was covered with beautiful flowers. She thought, ‘If I take a bouquet to grandmother, she will be very pleased. Anyway, it’s still early, and I’ll be home on time.’ And she ran off into the woods looking for flowers. Each time she picked one she thought that she could see an even more beautiful one a little way off, and she ran after it, going further and further into the woods.”
I was called “Little Red Riding Hood” by many this past year. I loved the name.
(7,-12); 601
“Mythology is how ideas are translated to power.”
(-20,-1); 602
“Misery doesn’t love company, it loves attention.” - Nan Goldin
(-20,-2); 603
“Be naive enough to start and stubborn enough to finish.” - Ross Edgely
(19,0); 604
“The disappearance of public executions marks therefore the decline of the spectacle; but it also marks a slackening on the hold on the body” (10). “imprisonment, confinement, forced labour, penal servitude, prohibition… The body now serves as an instrument or intermediary” (11) - Michael Foucault, Discipline & Punish: The Birth of the Prison
(-20,6); 605
“My work dwells in the not yet, the future potential of the unformed, where sound, weaving, and language interact to create new meanings.” - Cecilia Vicuña
(-20,7); 606
“A heart, sometimes, breaks slowly and without ceremony.” (178) Hanif Abdurraqib, There’s Always This Year
(12,-9); 607
But if I could convince you that these are words of love
The heartache would instantly remain
But the pain would be gone
-Arthur Russell, Words of Love
(17,-2); 608
“The French curator Nicolas Bourriaud published a book called Relational Aesthetics in 1998 in which he defined the term as: ‘A set of artistic practices which take as their theoretical and practical point of departure the whole of human relations and their social context, rather than an independent and private space.’”
(16,-3), (16,-4); 609, 610
“Their core theme is of the common man fighting the powers that be with international villains celebrated as heroes fighting Western imperialism, and superheroes taking part in local political struggle…”
“RoboCop in Uganda: an analysis of Nasser Road’s political posters”
Kristof Titeca
(-21,-6); 611
“I’m interested in memory because it’s a filter through which we see our lives, and because it’s foggy and obscure, the opportunities for self-deception are there. In the end, as a writer, I’m more interested in what people tell themselves happened rather than what actually happened.” Kauzo Ishiguro
(15,-7); 612
“Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets, and one day, for each of us, the sun will go down for the last, last time.” - James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
(11,-8); 613
“The artist tries to escape time in his works. A work of art has a unique ‘optimal’ dimension. Because it has measure, music–another art–controls time (among other things); sometimes it makes us live a slower present.”
(14,-9); 614
“For centuries, the garden has been regarded as a mirror of society, a microcosm of the larger world, reflecting on a small scale the broader relationships between nature and culture.” - Laurie Cluitmans, Introduction On the Necessity of Gardening
(15,0); 615
To have a green thumb: to be gifted at caring for plants.
- Common saying
the market gardener, Jean-Martin Fortier
(15,-2); 616
04.19.24
If I am to write, I must have read. There is labor to perform. I am good at labor - or so they tell me.
(19,2), (19,1); 617, 618
Poetry is Growing in Our Garden:
Thoughts on wine-making and wine-drinking
Anders Frederik Steen
Notes: 2013-2020
“... the idea of removing oneself from a piece of work (in this case, wine) and simply letting it be understood as a work of politics, or at least a political work…” (23)
(17,3); 619
With weed I’m inspired by more, but remember less of the inspiration.
(15,-8), (15,-9); 620, 621
“The essence of nature has never changed. We have merely ascribed to it different meanings, tamed it through a succession of visions. By imposing geometric order or through miniaturisation, we made it appear familiar to us so that, thus constrained, it corresponded to our nature or ideal thereof.” - Dutch poet Gerrit Komrij
(17,-4) – (17,-6); 622-624
“Chthulucene is a simple word. It is a compound of two Greek roots (khthôn and kainos) that together name a kind of timeplace for learning to stay with the trouble of living and dying in responsibility on a damaged earth… unlike either the Anthropocene or Capitalocene, the Chthulucene is made up of ongoing multispecies stories and practices of becoming-with in times that remain at stake, in precarious times, in which the world is not finished and the sky has not fallen—yet. Unlike the dominant dramas of Anthropocene and Capitalocene discourse, human beings are not the only important actors…”
(18,-2), (18,-3); 625, 626
3.1 Global ‘Icons of dissent’
For many – particularly in Europe and the United States – it is evident that Saddam Hussein and Gaddafi represent global villains. Yet, research has shown that the decision over who constitutes a historical ‘hero’ or ‘villain’ differs vastly across different contexts; between countries, political cultures, and even within a country.”
“RoboCop in Uganda: an analysis of Nasser Road’s political posters”
Kristof Titeca
(19,-1), (19,-2); 627, 628
“… Che Guevara, Bob Marley, Tupac Shakur, and Osama Bin Laden became the titular ‘global icons of dissent’ representing ‘the rejection of, or resistance to, global structures of power and hegemonic systems such as colonialism, imperialism, and capitalist exploitation.’ They have become part of global and local imaginations, in which they ‘reflect dreams of possibility, and offer a sense of empowerment.’”
Kristof Titeca
(18,-1); 629
“On Eid Al-Adha, Men on TV Tie a Length of Manilla Rope” - A landays
and Saddam Hussein hangs on live stream.
My aunt says sorta haram. How is this cinema?
(16,-7), (16,-8); 630, 631
“Like multitudes of people all over the world, we are seeking a good life–a simple, balanced, satisfying life style. Like them, our aim is to lend a hand in shaping the planet into a homelike living place for successive generations of human veins and for the many other life forms domiciled in and on Mother Earth, her lands, and water.”
- Scott and Helen Nearing, Living the Good Life, 1954
(11,-9), (11,-10); 632, 633
“Leaving again. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be grieving. The particulars of place lodged in me, like this room I lived in for eleven days, how I learned the way the sun laid its palm over the side window in the morning, heavy light, how I'll never be held in that hand again.”
(11,-11); 634
Goodbyes are hard. They make you remember how you’ve been remembered.