What I think about when I think about running1

What role does language serve?2 In its simplest form, it is a mechanism of communication. Some scholars posit language is innate– all who are born Homo sapien sapien have the capacity to comply with, interpret, and regurgitate the structures our languages demand.3 Granted, with various levels of success. But surely it is not the only mechanism: sex, cooking, and performance (to name a few) each convey readily understood ideas without wielding traditional spoken or signed language. How that idea is internalized differs according to form4 and context. I venture that running exists in a similar capacity to this type of language. Except it engenders communion with your own soul, rather than another's.5

Homo sapiens are obligate bipeds, meaning our species has adapted to moving our two little legs with dexterous efficiency over an evolutionary significant timescale. Indeed, it is one of the major anatomical distinctions responsible for our divergent phylogeny from apes. Apart from allowing us to walk more efficiently, this momentous physiological adaptation built within our psyche an avenue for contemplation and self-discovery. While there are a plethora of activities that offer a similar promise of introspection, few are so intrinsically tied to the human condition.

Last month I ran my first solo marathon distance (26.2 mi/42.2 km) in 4 hours and 39 mins. I must admit I did not discover anything revelatory. Though it validated something I’ve long recognized– harnessing one’s will is perhaps as fundamental as the body we do it with. I predict the coalescence of these two worlds (mind and body), when both are pushed to their absolute limit, will reveal something profound. Akin to a poet tirelessly revising a piece of writing, only to realize the remaining words were there all along. For it is only when humans seek more than themselves—or deeper within themselves—can they discover infinity.

I’ve long held a lofty goal of running 100 miles (161 km), the perfect excuse to actualize this hypothesis. That being said, even though I may never run that far I guarantee I will run damn far. A distance of this caliber requires both years of sustained sacrifice and tremendous immediate effort. I can only hope to remain healthy enough to even consider such a spectacle in the years to come.

This is often how my thoughts evolve when I run– a brief, meditative exploration which only leads to an abrupt ending. I meander between topics illuminated by memories, anxieties, and desires. Sometimes I take the ride and find myself in an entirely foreign thought-biome, unsure of how I arrived. During others, I find solace in the rudimentary act of movement, knowing it is perhaps the very best there is.6 If you’ve read this far, you’ve uncovered some of what running has taught me.7 Though many of the ideas presented here originated on a run some time ago, it has taken many moons to find their current image.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              It is in those moments I seek jouissance;8
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                it is through these words I find clarity.9



A few albums I've enjoyed running with in the order I (most likely) listened to them:
          Flow State - Tash Sultana (1 hr 1min); psychedelic rock, neo soul
          In Colour - Jamie XX (42 min); electronic, indie pop
          Random Access Memories - Daft Punk (1 hr 14 min); disco, funk, electronic techno
          Little by Little - Lane 8 (55 min); deep house, progressive house
          Love What Survives - Mount Kimbie (39 min); post-punk, electronic
          Sour - Olivia Rodrigo (34 min); teen pop, alternative pop
          BRAT - Charli XCX (41 min); hyperpop, experimental pop
          Música para viajes interdepartamentales vol. 1 - Fabrizio Rossi (29 min); soft rock, experimental
          Preacher’s Daughter - Ethel Cain (1 hr 15 min); gothic rock, Americana, softcore
          Kind of Blue - Miles Davis (45 min); jazz
          The Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd (42 min); progressive rock
          HVOB - HVOB (1hr 11min); deep techno, vocal pop

Notes

  1. An ode to Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. In 2018, I ran my first ever double digit (11) mile run after finishing this book when working on an organic vegetable farm in Upstate New York. It is a story of redemption and these words are no different. At some point, he would have chosen “At Least He Never Walked” to be written on his tombstone.
  2. How we talk about the world informs how we see it. For example, there are languages that use cardinal directions (north, south, east, and west) as opposed to body centered terms (left and right) when discussing space and navigation. ‘There’s an ant on your southwest leg,’ ‘Move your cup to the north-northeast a little bit.’ As a small child, you’re forced to orient yourself towards the natural phenomenon of magnetism and build in your mind's eye a compass, steadily holding north. This idea was previously deemed impossible, “but in fact it turns out humans are perfectly biologically capable of doing more than we thought we were; there are people in the world who can do it by virtue of the practice that language requires of them.” How the Languages We Speak Shape the Ways We Think, Lera Boroditsky
  3. In the 1960s, Noam Chomsky proposed the idea that all humans have within themselves a Language Acquisition Device (LAD). The LAD is programmed with specific grammatical structures common to all languages, and enables infants to acquire and produce language from a young age. There is insufficient evidence in the scientific community to support this claim. I am not sure if he still holds this belief.
  4. “Form has a meaning– but it is a meaning entirely its own, a personal and specific value that must not be confused with the attributes we impose on it… [it] is open to interpretation” (68). Reneé Green’s “Extraterritorial Operations and Some Kinds of Duration: Encountering On Kawara and Chantal Akerman.” Artists on Artists Lecture Series: On Kawara. Referencing Henri Focillon, “The World of Forms,” in The Life of Forms in Art.
  5. This idea was inspired by a quote from Charlemagne (King of the Franks): “To have another language is to have another soul.” I acknowledge this implies the ‘another soul’ is your own, distinct from your current self. Though I am playing into the idea that language, ‘in its simplest form,’ is used to communicate with others.
  6. “... why shouldn’t something I have always known be the very best there is. I love you from my childhood, starting back there when one day was just like the rest, random growth and breezes, constant love, a sandwich in the middle of day, a tiny step in the vastly conventional path of the Sun. I squint. I wink. I take the ride.” Peanut Butter, Eileen Myles
  7. “Running taught me valuable lessons. In cross-country competition, training counted more than intrinsic ability, and I could compensate for a lack of natural aptitude with diligence and discipline. I applied this in everything I did. Even as a student, I saw many young men who had great natural ability, but who did not have the self-discipline and patience to build on their endowment” (41). Long Walk to Freedom, Nelson Mandela
  8. I am specifically referring to the self-shattering capacity of jouissance as described in Leo Bersani’s Homos.
  9. On Mysticism: The Experience of Ecstasy, Simon Critchley. We all have our mystics; these pages celebrate mine.